Mildred Loving in Her Own Words

In honor of Mildred Loving who died on the 2nd of this month and California's reversal on banning same sex marriage, I'd like to post her statement on marriage equality in full. I think these words touch me in particular because I am queer & of color. Please enjoy!

Loving for All
By Mildred Loving
Prepared for delivery on June 12, 2007, on the 40th anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia announcement

When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, D.C. in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love and we wanted to be married. We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.

When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?

Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the "crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.

The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.

We left and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.

Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't have to fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal right is essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men," a "basic civil right."

My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all.

That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

8 Things Mixed Race Folks Don't Want to Hear

Love this! Diversity Inc. has a great article on what not to say or ask mixed race folks & they are on point. Author Yoji Cole recited 8 key phrases or questions that many of us get and are sick to death of. Story example are included so check out the whole article here. Here are the 8 very annoying & dehumanizing sayings/questions:

1. "What are you?"


2. "What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"


3. "You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"


4. "Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"


5. "How in the world did your parents meet?"


6. "You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"


7. "You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"


8. "Aren't we all mixed anyway?"

If I had a dime for everyone of those I've heard, especially 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7. Anyway I hope everyone is well & I was happy to realize today that today's post is the 401st. I can't believe have wrote over 400 posts! Who knew this blogging thing would stick for me. And though I have been a little lax due to being so effing busy in other areas, I'm still so glad to have QWOC and all of you wonderful readers. Have a great mother's day!~F

Forgiveness

I've been thinking about & practicing forgiveness a lot so far this month. Been thinking too about love and how much I'd like every moment, thought and decision to be based in love and how hard that can be in the "smaller" moments of life.

This week I met with an old friend. She & I became tight after a few years & at one point I lived with her & her wife in their spare room. After the break up of one of my relationships, this friend & her wife not only stayed friends with the ex, but seemed to hang out even more with the ex than me. I felt my friends were being disloyal and promptly ended the friendship after a huge yelling match on the phone.

This old friend & I eventually ran into each other at a gay pride a couple years ago, about 2 years after our fight, and hugged & re-exchanged numbers but never contacted each other. Recently this old friend was at the same place I was & we chatted briefly but it was awkward & just sort of weird I guess. So I extended an olive branch & texted her asking if she'd like to get together. After a few voice & text messages we got together this weekend and caught up on each other's lives.

It was great to see her again and I felt good basking in our familiarity and connection. It wasn't scary or very hard. But I wondered when to bring up what has kept us apart. Finally after we had caught up we stood under a tree near my home, watching the rain fall upon the ground & hugged for a long while & told each other we were sorry. All the details seemed to be said in the hug and I once again felt that she was my friend. And though I admit I will take my time trusting her again, I will try to be a good friend to her if that is our path. Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Terrible things happen to people all the time. Every minute of the day. Small things & very tragic things. How do we love when someone simply annoys us? How do we forgive when our bodies & minds are pushed to the limits by pain inflicted by others? Where do we start? And what is the point?

Three different situations that involved pain I learned of from friends this weekend. One more terrible than the next. Each friend I honor & yet I feel so helpless because I know they have to go though their pain & get to the place in their own time, of forgiveness, so they can be free to fully love.

But I also listened to stories of transcendence. The ability to love & forgive & have compassion in situations that seemed unforgivable. I'd like to share two of the stories.

Julio Diaz

Hector Black

For more stories please check out StoryCorps. Also if you're struggling with forgiveness please try this wonderful online ritual. Peace!

~F

Noooooooooo!

My girl, my secret hollyweird crush Mariah Carey is quite possibly married to Nick Cannon. Waaaaah!

My only hope is that he is her "beard" and the whole union is just to protect her love of the ladies. That's the only way I can take this news. Because I love Mimi. Not in that crazy unattainable way but I love her music, style & persona. Ever since I saw her debut on the Arsenio Hall show many moons ago I have been smitten. It was the first time I saw a clearly mixed race person on stage. I never forgot it & her life story is quite amazing. Plus to me she is feminine to the hilt & I love it!

Anyway I don't care if she really is into Mr. Cannon or not, I'm still a fan. But for my sanity... to me she's the epitome of a lipstick lesbian & in my fantasies I'll keep it that way.

Hi/Bye

Well I have not had much time to blog lately and now I'm going to be on holiday through Sunday. Plus I'm really busy today so this will be a shortie.

First off Happy Earf Day!

Okay that's about all I have time for today. But in the meantime if you're a queer woman of color & an activist or even not an activist please join the newly formed google group Radical Queer Women of Color for Peace. It rocks! http://groups.google.com/group/qwocradpeace

With that I'm out.
Peace!
~F

Women in the Congo Benefit

My pal Jamie organized this event & my pal Nate Ashley will be playing there. If you live in or near Portland please join us at Plan B (1305 SE 8th St ) on April 24th. Women in the Congo get raped every day by "soldiers" with various items including wood chucks and bayonets which are not only psychologically damaging but can be damaging to reproductive health and can even result in death. The point of the assaults to to destroy these women and the Congolese government won't create a better justice system for perpetrators & worse some of the worst rapes are done by government troops.

So be a part of the healing and come to the benefit next Thursday starting at 8pm until 2am. Thank you for reading! Also if you belong to an area business & would like to donate a raffle prize, contact Jamie at delia.sailed@gmail.com.

Peace!

~F

I Was Mad & Didn't Even Know It!

Sometimes reading blogs can be a bad thing. That's why I regularly have to take breaks from reading & posting. Today may lead to another break because I thought I wasn't upset about something I read. Thought the blatant anonymous racism out the in the ether of the Internet was something I knew & therefore could be unaffected by. Yet I was wrong.

How this was figured out was after I had already gone agro on someone. While walking to the bank I didn't even realize the post I'm about to tell y'all about was spinning in my head. Not in any kind of loud way, but more like after one thought, a tiny part of this post would come back to me like a burp after a meal. Walking on Burnside ( very busy street) to my destination it seemed cars kept stopping in the crosswalks leaving no room for pedestrians to get by without having to go into the street. One car after another seemed to do this & for some reason when a silver Volvo station wagon pulled so far into the crosswalk I felt nervous to even cross it, I banged on the hood of the drivers car with my fist. Bang bang, my curled hand drummed upon the hood. Needless to say as the driver went by she was unhappy & so to top it all off I gave her the finger. Because you know, that always accomplishes something.

Pause when agitated or doubtful is often said in recovery so I had to stop & do just that. Then a laugh spontaneously poured out of me. Then I felt sad. In thinking why I was sad it occurred to me that deciding a gorgeous woman with an incredible body must be sub- or even not human, because she is Black, just hurt my heart and pissed me off. Pissed because Serena Williams has a beautiful, athletic body that even other Black women think needs to be covered. Sad because many a woman, especially woman of color has to struggle to love her own body & be actually comfortable wearing a two piece swimsuit. Annoyed because racism is so ugly and the people who say "there is no more racism" are so fucking clueless.

Racialicious has a post today on TMZ's post on Serena Williams at the beach recently. I'm not mentally well enough to even attempt going over to TMZ to see what their post had to say but on Racialicious I was glad to see a number of folks admire Serena & take issue with some of the utterly stupid comments that the TMZ site had. Here's just a few shitty things that were said:

"I think you might have found ‘the missing link’ "
"Maybe Black women are not equal to white women—they are built stronger and bigger, and if so, this must be accounted for. So much for equal rights."
And the whopper...
“Is that human?”

Like I said most days I can deal with this stupid fucking shit. But when I see how folks channel what they will not say in public to comments on blogs, saying, at last, what they really think of POC, it is more than my brain can deal with & when I'm already not feeling good, I just kinda short circuit. Anyway I'm going to take a break from blog reading and posting for a couple days. I need to detoxify. But I promise I'll be back soon & with fewer swear words. And here's Serena. Enjoy!
~F

Snoop Dogg's Sensual Seduction. Best Video Ever!

For reals!

More later y'all!
Peace!
~F

More Flowers & Some Friggin' Links

I'm typing in a different font because I can. Anyway I got flowers from my sweetie today. A lovely rose was with several daisies & I decided to put it in my hair today. Pretty eh? It was very hard to take this pic because I was in the bathroom & despite having a mirror it was still a bit of a pain. But worth it because I love flowers in my hair & wanted to share this beautiful flower with y'all!

It's really nice out so I'm not saying much today. I had some really awesome sex yesterday. I've been having constant medical issues that have caused a strain on my sex life. I won't get into the gory details but today I am extra happy because even when my beloved & I can't get it on for whatever reason, we're always close. So it's just that much hotter when we do have sexy time. All day I've been grinning like a fool. Speaking of sex check out this recent post on the Powell's Books Blog. You can actually watch a couple screw. How ever thinks books are boring is sadly mistaken!

Other random items include a dude selling his Blackness on EBay, Arnold Schwarzenegger plans to fight against banning same sex marriage in California and an Iraq war veteran in Ashland, Oregon heals her pain by being a consultant to a play about an Iraq war veteran in "Welcome Home, Jenny Sutter" by Julie Myatt.

Folks have a beautiful weekend!
~F

Just When I Needed Them

Friends in recovery who get it when I have a crappy day (my period is really bad right now!) and flowers. I'm a lucky gal!

Peace!

Friday Links No Mo'. And a Bunch of Other Stuff!

I can't do it. I tried to have some damn discipline with this blog & do something regularly & consistently but right now at this time in my life that ain't gonna happen. Sometimes we have to accept that failure is an option. So for now I have failed at posting great links that I love every single Friday. And for now that's okay. Because I can always try again or try in a way that is different & even better. So for now no Friday link lovin'. I'll still keep all y'all informed of great links I find but it will be back to the randomness that is a trademark of QWOC blog.

So with that I'd like to mention some yummy Internet goodies I found this week. Let's take a look shall we?

My beautiful pal Zee has BlogHer ads on her blog & for the first time one ad actually got my attention. It's called ModestNeeds.org. Here is thier mission:
To prevent otherwise financially self-sufficient individuals and families from entering the cycle of poverty, when this might be avoided with a small amount of well-timed financial assistance;
To restore the financial self-sufficiency of individuals who are willing to work but are temporarily unable to do so because they do not have the means to remit payment for a work-related expense;
and To empower permanently disadvantaged individuals who otherwise live within their limited means to continue to live independently, despite a temporary, unexpected financial set-back.

There are some really neat points to this charity including that it is an accredited charity of the BBB (Better Business Bureau), it's tax deductible and best, 65% of the folks who utilize funds from Modest Needs become donors themselves. The whole point of Modest Needs is to keep otherwise self sufficient folks from floating into a sea of poverty over 1 or two sudden emergencies. It's not meant for folks who are constantly needing help. It's just working or middle class folks helping each other. I think it's a lovely cause!


Okay so switching gears a bit here is something I stumbled upon a couple months ago. It's called the Happiness Manifesto. It can be adjusted by each individual but it goes a little something like this...

1. Get physical. Engage in half an hour of exercise three times a week
2. Count your blessings. At the end of each day, reflect on at least five things you are grateful for
3. Talk time. Have an hour-long - uninterrupted - conversation with your partner or closest friend each week
4. Plant something. Even if it's a window box or pot. And, you must keep it alive
5. Cut your TV viewing by half
6. Smile at and/or say hello to someone you don't know. At least once each day
7. Phone a friend. Make contact with a friend or relation you have not talked to for a while and arrange to meet up
8. Have a good laugh at least once a day
9. Every day make sure you give yourself a treat. Take time to really enjoy this
10. Daily kindness. Do an extra good turn for someone each day

Things have been increasingly busy for me since mid 2007. So I think this happiness manifesto is a positive way of staying on track, during times of good & bad stress. I'll post (hopefully) regular, but random updates on how I'm living this manifesto & what some of my thoughts, feelings & experiences with it are. Anyone care to join me?

And now the dear diary portion of this post. So life has been great and very busy as many of you know. It's gotten busier with great things & I'm so grateful! My only issue is I don't know how to balance a beautiful life. Chaos, drama, ugly moments are easy. I know that stuff. I'm in recovery for a reason after all! So I'm taking baby steps all over again it feels like. Learning how to have success and joy & a productive healthy life is something I have worked so hard to have in this life & now it's here & by golly it's a little (a lot) hard to navigate these waters. Thank goddess for recovery & friends who have experience in (gosh this sounds silly, but it's the truth of where I'm at!) being happy & following their dreams & talents. These folks are helping me remember to stay in each moment and really relish in the gift that each moment has. And doing lots of various step work & going to regular meetings helps more than I can say. Who knew I'd need more meetings in health than pain?!

So as I continue this path I'm reminded that today is meant to be taken in bites. That the creator & it's angels are really here right now, even as I type these words. All I (or we) have to do is keep breathing, keep trying & keep up the faith. No matter how good or bad things get. Peace y'all!

~F

The "It's About Time" Myth. A Note to You So-Called Progressives

I'm kinda tired of hearing some folks for either Clinton or Obama say "it's about time we had a woman candidate." Or "it's about time we had a Black candidate." No it's not. It's not about time. The time, folks, has come & gone & has been past due for many many moons. This country has been overdue for a minority candidate for a long while & by now we should have had a bisexual, transgender, half Asian, half Black, half Dutch, half Jewish, wheelchair using former mental health patient by now. For the love of gawd people stop staying it's about time. No one gives a shit that you think you sound so progressive and tolerant. You don't.

A long time ago I had a recovery sponsor who said "things in this program take a long time." And she was right. In that same vein we can say that things in this country have taken & continue to take a long time. Take for example the Constitution of the United States. It says:
"We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

This statement was created 221 years ago by our founding "fathers" and though it's debatable what those words actually meant & who they were meant for back then, one thing is clear to me: US citizens are meant to be equal and are supplied by their Higher Power fundamental rights that cannot be taken away. So it has taken 221 years to achieve in this country the idea that the statement I just noted might be something that guides our society and leads us all to joy & freedom. The idea folks. That's as far as some of us have gotten. A number of folks aren't even there, but at least a number of folks see how all folks being equal is a good idea and worth happening some day. Yes progress is damn slow. Because an idea is not an action & the fact that the action freedom fighters have had to take just to get the rest of this country on board with the idea of the constitutions words, has at last had some results. Now mainstream liberals feel a minority (white female or Black male) could be equal if not better than the presidents we've had. That's great, but shouldn't our whole country felt that way at least 10 years ago? How about 25 years ago or even a hundred years ago?

Saying it's about time is a shortcut. It gives us the chance to vote for a minority & feel good about that & not have to do much else. It's an easy way to feel good about our ideas without having to admit we still need to take to the streets to ensure all of us have those unalienable rights. Knowing in this country that so many people are still discriminated against for no other reason than that they happen to exist in the body they are in, is something we need to look at, ponder, then change. We can't stop at casting a single vote & smugly feel we've done our duty as good liberals. We have to do more than just have ideas. We have to get busy, we have to fight, we have to communicate, we have to listen and we have to believe in the strength that our creator's have given us and get to work. That's when this country will move past being a great idea to a great place.

So next time you hear someone say "it's about time" ask them what else it's time for. And then challenge them to go do something about it.

Peace!
~F

Friday Link & 2 Videos

I don't have much time today so here's a helpful link to get more involved in the fight to help end fistula.
www.fightfistula.org
Check it!

Here is a video of the oh-so-scary Reverend Wright. How crazy he is! I mean talking about violence to brown folks in this country. That's so... uhhhh....unpatriotic?

And here is a great response to Mr. Obama's speech on race last week from Dan.

White People, Get Over Yourselves from Dantrification on Vimeo.
Peace!
~F

Spooferific

If you're sick of hearing about the pregnant dad, check out this video about gays discovering the christian gene.

Peace!
~F

The Good, the Bad & the Sad

What a speech Barack Obama gave last week on this Nation's racism and building a more perfect union. I was in awe, impressed and felt for a moment damn proud to be an American- whatever that means. If this man doesn't make it into office, I know this- his speech made our country better. It permanently changed us for the better. He didn't just say words but provided enough inspiration for us all to look into each others hearts and begin to heal. I know most of you have already seen it, but here it is, because we need these words, this energy, more than I can articulate.

And here is a compilation of Fox Sleeze News reporting on Mr. Obama. Despite claims that our future president gets all the praise in terms of reporting, I think this video gives a clearer picture of what's really going on for Mr. Obama in the mainstream press.

On to a totally different topic. Have y'all heard of obstetric fistula? I hadn't until yesterday. Dear god what a horrible horrible condition. Here's a little bit on it from the United Nations:

The smell of leaking urine or feces, or both, is constant and humiliating, often driving loved ones away. Left untreated, fistula can lead to chronic medical problems, including ulcerations, kidney disease, and nerve damage in the legs.

How does this happen you ask? Dr. Mark Linden says: obstetric fistula occurs due to prolonged pressure of the child’s head against a part of soft tissue between the mother’s pelvis. The soft tissue becomes necrotic (dies) from the lack of blood supply and breaks down.

And here's the deal. It's preventable, fixable and is happening to mainly most African countries, India and surrounding countries. $300 is all it takes to repair a mother's fistula with surgery and post op care. To make a needed donation go here! To learn more about this devastating illness click here. If you consider yourself a feminist I challenge you to pay attention to this issue for our sisters in the "developing" world. Here's a story on this nightmare. PBS will be airing a documentary called A Walk to Beautiful in May. View the trailer here.

Sending good thoughts to all you lovely QWOC readers!
~F