QWOC: Queer Woman of Color

The End!

2008-07-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Dearest QWOC fans,

It's time to make the switch. My new blog is ready to go & I look forward to blogging there. It's been great blogging at QWOC and my memories are really fond. But it's time to move on & allow my blogging life a fuller potential. From here on out please go to:

www.fran-sky.com
a.k.a Frank

Much love to every reader of QWOC! I thank you!
Peace!
~F

A Shitty Phone Video from Moi

2008-07-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

Umm does anyone know how to take nicer phone videos?

Almost Ready for the Switch

2008-07-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

Remember a few posts ago when I mentioned I'm going to stop blogging at QWOC and begin at my new blog. Well the new blog is almost ready to go. In fact I've already been doing some practice posts & I'm really loving my new blog home. So Frank, my new blog is about ready to launch. I have links to fill in and some other sidebar whatnot. Plus a little bit of formatting tweaks here or there. But overall I'm liking it a whole lot!

I can't decide if I want 3 columns, no columns or just my regular right side column. And I'm still trying to figure out just who I wish to link to and other fun stuff. Anyway I'm excited. And I think this new blog will be really great, honest & hopefully helpful to someone, somewhere.

Wanna take a peak? The new address is http://www.fran-sky.com/. The blog is called Frank. If you have any thoughts please share them. I'm looking forward to helpful feedback.

Hope everyone had a great weekend! I'm off to see Phoebe Snow at the Waterfront Blues Festival. Peace!
~F

Happy Independence

2008-07-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

Yep I really don't give much of a rip about this holiday except for fireworks, which I dearly love. Anyway enjoy this video!

~F

Yet Another WTF Moment in the Presidential Race

2008-07-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

Does the image on the left look at all like the image on the right. Does that doll look anything like our future president? Via Racialicious was a post about a German toymaker who made this doll to commemorate Barack Obama. WTF y'all. WTF!

Burrito Fun

2008-06-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

Okay so the longest time I heard about Chipotle mexican restaurants and how yummy their burritos are. But I had heard that they were owned by ~~McDevils~~ McDonalds and I loathe that fricking place no matter how many times Justin Timberlake tells me he's lovin' it. Anyway I found out last week that Chipotle is no longer owned by ~~satan~~ McDonalds! So I went with an open attitude & tried what appears to be their signature meal, the chicken burrito. Now a warning... if you eat there know no matter what you'll be ingesting a truck load of calories. So if you plan to eat there know you'll be taking in about 850-1100 calories. Yikes!

Anyway I ordered the food that looked a bit like this.My Chipotle Burrito:

Chipotle Fan.com And oh dear gawd. It was the best quickie burrito I've had hands down in this city. I mean everything was spiced just right with a bit of tang, warmth & creaminess. I was floating in burrito heaven for sure. So my sweet & I headed there again a week later for veggie burritos with guacamole. As you can see from the pics above they were huge and very tasty. Anyway I'm now & forever a fan of Chipotle. May my waistline be spared!*

*I've recently lost 12 lbs and have 5 more to go!

~F

Oh Ralphie

2008-06-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

"I haven’t heard him have a strong crackdown on economic exploitation in the ghettos. Payday loans, predatory lending, asbestos, lead. What’s keeping him from doing that? Is it because he wants to talk white? He doesn’t want to appear like Jesse Jackson? We’ll see all that play out in the next few months and if he gets elected afterwards."

Ralph Nader y'all said this. Oh my oh my. Where to even being? Via Racialicious an interesting & thought provoking post on what the hell Nader was talking about. My favorite comment so far on the blog is by deathblossom saying:

"Wait, wait, let me get my card out! 1. Caucasian guy telling a black man what it really means to be a black? Check. 2. Mention of the ghetto? Check. 3. Equating black with poor and inner city? Check. 4. Mention of the “threatening” black man? Check. 5. Free Space. BINGO! Thank you, Ralph Nader!" Amen to that! Sigh!

Link-a-dinks

2008-06-24T13:12:00.000-07:00

Great article CNN's Anderson Cooper site ac360 on titled The Fallacy of Colorblind Post-raciality. It was written by Carmen Van Kerckhove of Racialicious. Here's an excerpt:

"Then why do people insist on claiming that they don’t notice color? Often, it’s because they are scared to death of being labeled a racist.

But here’s the thing. Noticing a person’s race doesn’t make you racist. What does make you racist is if you make assumptions about that person’s intellectual, physical, or emotional characteristics based on the race you think the person is.

And unfortunately, too many of us do make those assumptions. We’ve all internalized racist ideas – consciously or subconsciously – from our families, our environments, our media consumption, and more. Until we can understand that and begin to de-program ourselves, we cannot be truly “post-racial.”

Damali Ayo who some of you may remember as starting Reparations Day has her very own clothing line. And it's great! She's dynamic & so it's no surprise that her clothes are the same. And best yet the entire line is made with sustainability in mind. Plus where else can you get easy to wear fashion on a sliding scale price range. Check out CROW here.

And a bit of randomness with Arnold.

Do you think he actually punched that camel? I hope not!

Lastly is an announcement of sorts. Soon this blog will change it's name & possibly URL. QWOC has been good to me but I'm feeling the need to move on from that identity on the Internet & other places. No this is not some post-racial thing. I just feel that the way I see myself is far beyond socially constructed labels. The core of me is effected by such labels but does not make up the majority of who I am. An important & significant part, but not all. At all! So I'm working on the design & focus of the revised blog that will still discuss my being a queer woman of color, and intersectionality in general, but will not be the primary focus anymore. It's just part of me going to the next level in becoming myself.

Much love y'all!
~F

Well Poop!

2008-06-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

As a 1930s wife, I am
Poor

Take the test!

I thought I'd make a great 1930's wife. Oh well! Also I found this in the blogs of note. Funny stuff at Fake Interviews with Real Celebrities.
~F

Mustache Anyone

2008-06-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing a mustache today. It's really funny seeing the reactions folks have to it. Biological men seem to be extra fond of it. The stache makes me feel a wee bit more bold, as in, thinking about flirting with the obviously lesbian bus driver might be fun. Then I remembered my wife may not like that. A lot of my female co-workers think I'm cute in it. And my beloved says it doesn't itch too much when I kiss her. So all is well. I think everyone at some point might want to give wearing a mustache a try. It's an eye opening experience!

~F

On Love

2008-06-22T17:13:00.000-07:00

This is my summer of love. Loving myself, loving my partner, loving what is. Of course this is good to do at all times, but this particular season, this love is my sole focus. A person cannot transmit what they don't have. This fact is known by many in recovery & other spiritual affiliations, but how often is it practiced? That's a question we must face within ourselves. Am I transmitting what I have? Or is what I'm giving tainted by ego, fear and in the end not really helping to make a true difference in the world?

I'm as guilty as anyone, who believes in being of service, of misguided motivations. Trying to help when it really hinders progress or something similar. And those mistakes are alright because I've learned well by good intentions followed by less-than-good actions or vice versa. That is probably why is it so important to be connected to higher power at every possible moment. I may have mentioned on this blog before how it seems much easier to turn my will & life over to HP in my living room, than when I'm out in the world interacting with other people. I forget to ask for HP's words, thoughts & guidance in every single moment. But I believe I'm not the only one.

Loving myself means believing in myself and the gifts HP has given me. Loving myself means no matter what, taking the time to eat well, get enough rest & relaxation. It means time for reverence, stillness and having fun. It means ignoring negativity from others & making friends with my inner critic.

Loving my partner has several elements too. My beloved is so sweet, so loving, so supportive. And she is deeply committed to me, as I am her. So this season, it is important to keep her & our relationship high on my list of priorities. This means attention, gratefulness & patience.

Lastly this season I wish to love what is. Meaning being in acceptance of everything, even things that at first don't make sense or that I don't even like. It means being willing to see the lesson, believe in the journey & have the willingness to connect to the greater mysteries of not-so-great events.

I think it's going to be a great summer. I wish each of you the same!

Quote Du Jour

2008-06-18T11:51:00.000-07:00

Invest yourself in everything you do.
There's fun in being serious.
-Wynton Marsalis

Long Time, No Post

2008-06-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

For those who live in areas where you haven't have your LGBTQ2s pride celebrations I want to wish you a happy Pride! Portland's was good as far as I could tell. This year I skipped the normal large gathering at the waterfront & focused on time with close queer friends. It was a good, emotional and busy weekend and my sweetie & I got to do all the activities we wanted. I'm glad it's over though & think next year, I wish to go out of town or something. I'm just losing my taste for queer only type things. In fact I seem to be losing my taste for specific group issues, communities & events. Funny since my blog is titled in such a way!

For a while I've been interested in a more global focus to my activism. Not always centering of just Americans of color or queers or women. But really finding a way to creatively do works for those in places where they may not have a voice, regardless of their backgrounds or identifications. After the last few weeks I've had, with a death, a son who needs help, & a complete breakdown in positive communication with a group I was volunteering for, I just feel the time is ripe to refocus on what is really important to my work & re-energize my body, mind & soul.

My sobriety sponsor walked me through the hardest days of the last few weeks. And has suggested something radical. She told me to have fun. Fun! I nearly forgot how to do that for a while but I do agree with her that a break from service and a focus on my own joy will be what I need to go on to the next journey. So I get to be a little selfish & do what is needed to remember the core of my life & work. This weekend I went with my beloved to the Avalon & played video games until my fingers were sore. It was great. We watched movies at home in in the theater (btw the new M. Night Shyamalan movie is not very good) and went dancing on Saturday night. It was just what I needed to start a summer of R&R.

Also I began doing the Artists Way program starting with the morning pages. Holy crap is it amazing how much I look forward each day to 3 pages of non-stop writing. It's really a meditation than just some creativity exercises. I'm excited to go deeper into the weekly exercises!

Anyway my Rob Brezney horoscope for the week really set the tone for where I need to be not only right now but always. I'm looking forward to a soulful summer. Peace!

You really have no right to tear yourself down. Badmouthing yourself is a first-degree sin, and so is being mean to yourself or depriving yourself of the care you need to thrive. This is always true, of course, but in the coming week it's more crucial than ever that you refrain from even the subtlest forms of self-abuse. To be anything less than an imaginative lover and nurturer toward yourself could upset the cosmic equilibrium so profoundly that everyone else would suffer, too. Therefore, you owe it to the rest of us to shower yourself with blessings.

*update*

I darn near forgot about a moment I wanted to share. Saturday night after going to a pride party downtown my sweet & I went to Holocene to check out their Dj's. The music sounded fun but we were tuckered out & wanted to relax without necessarily going home yet. We landed up the block at Rimsky's and ordered tea while listening to The Beatles. As we chatted quietly in a corner the song Blackbird came on. It's a song I like but have only heard a few times. As the song played we happened to be discussing my own personal re-emerging & re-energizing. My ears heard the following words sung:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Tears came to my eyes as my partner looked into me, holding my heart with such an expression of understanding and love. In that moment I felt broken & whole. Sadness and hope. I knew from that moment that many beautiful moments are ahead for me & us. Deep inside my body was a feeling of absolute acceptance for the past, present and future. The song was indeed the clear signal that this little bird is ready to fly. Peace.

An Important Link

2008-06-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.gratefulness.org/
Peace y'all!
~F

Stressed Out!

2008-06-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

"I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. When you're face to face with your adversity. I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. Were gonna make this thing work out eventually." -Tribe Called Quest

Good gawd I'm feeling utterly overwhelmed. I mean so overloaded that I'm just trying to make it hour to hour today. I want to go on vacation & skip this whole next week. Want to sit on a warm beach with my sweetie & not have to worry about shit. About making anyone happy or follow through with plans. Just read in the sunlight & nap in the shade. But that's not an option & that's okay I guess. I know this is all in part of my own making.

The event next weekend will be a blast. But folks let me tell ya, event planning is pretty fucking hard. And for those of us planning it, it's been a week from hell in our personal lives for various reasons. So we are carrying on despite even little things going wrong like the office fax going kaput.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful too. For the lessons & the ability to try to even attempt to coordinate a LGBT pride block party. But never again will I do this. From here on out I only work on what has deep meaning for me. I mean parties are fun, don't get me wrong, but I would like to do a little more to actually improve the lives of marginalized peoples. And this has been the most important lesson I could learn right now. What my destiny truly is & what I really want to do with my life.

So this week I ask for your prayers QWOC readers. I can't do this alone. My grief over my friends death combined with concern for his son & my uncle with cancer & my cousin who leaves for Iraq soon is enough to make things hard. So the addition of finishing up an event of this scale just puts me this close to the edge of wanting to run away. Not drink or use or anything. Just run & run far. And that is, in the end, not a good option for me now or in the future.

Right now I'm trying to remember to keep things in perspective & breathe. And I thank each of you in advance for your loving thoughts!
~F

Portland Black Pride is Coming!

2008-06-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

I'm still very much grieving & praying & working to help the young man I mentioned in my last post. I'm sending the son a care package this Friday with things a 19 year old male might need like socks & toothpaste. Anyway after 3 days of crying it's time to think of good things too.

And Portland Black Pride is good!

As the coordinator for the block party I can say a lot of fun will be had. If y'all want to volunteer or learn more about Portland Black Pride come to our pre-event happy hour at Crush, 1400 SE Morrison, the same place the block part will be. The fun starts at 5:30pm this Thursday, June 5th.

Peace!

The Difference Between Sadness and Tragedy

2008-06-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

The difference between sadness & tragedy is the way in which someone dies and how those circumstances effect others. I know this because someone in my life was murdered. He was killed for no reason by people who have not been caught. He left behind a 19 year old son who is now an orphan.

Three young men on bicycles, one with a gun, shot my friend, fatally wounding him on July 31st 2007. I found about this yesterday and am feeling so many emotions that it's how to even name the feelings. My friend had been much more than a friend. He was a father figure and the only man in my young life who ever loved me & protected me. It was not my father but Melvin. Even when I saw him in Detroit a few years ago he was protecting me. The only man who ever protected my life & future.

He had had a stroke a couple years ago & had trouble recovering but finally got better. When my mom, who was sweethearts with him when I was a very young girl, and then 25 years later for a time, hadn't heard from him in a few months she got worried. Was afraid he had a permanently debilitating stroke and couldn't contact us. So finally she sent a certified letter that needed to be signed upon receipt. When she finally got a response back it was from Melvin's son explaining what had happened to his father and him.

The son is without a phone. Without lights or heat. The home he lives in is paid for but there are property taxes and utilities that this 19 year old doesn't know how to deal with on his own. Yes the son was spoiled by his dad. Yes it was a disservice. But Melvin was trying to do his best and make up for other mistakes in his life. Now his son, at this very moment has no mother, no father, no TV, no lights, no family nearby, no phone, no help. And it appears no one investigating his father's murder.

I'm not sure what else to say. This type of death feels so different than any other. All death is hard, but to have a loved one killed... it's shocking & beyond understanding right now. And his son needs help. Needs someone to help him help himself. Since July 31st Melvin's son has needed help. It's high time he gets some.

Racist Feminists & Bizarre Fruit

2008-05-27T12:41:00.000-07:00

If you ever needed proof that feminists can indeed be racist, let me provide said proof. Via Racialicious & What Tami Said were details on a recent article by Nina Burleigh on the Huffington Post. In the Huffington piece, Burleigh posits that Mr. Obama is not a feminist until he addresses the OJ Simpson trial or the misogyny that exists in some rap. I love how Tami responded:

Will Hillary Clinton be taking a stand against Susan Smith, the white woman who murdered her children a year after the Simpson-Goldman murders and blamed their disappearance on a mysterious black man? Should she be expected to? The idea is ludicrous and so is any notion that black people always need to answer for the behavior of people who share their skin color.

I don’t need Barack Obama to be the second coming of Andrea Dworkin or a Black Panther. As a black person and a woman, I need to know that, as president, he will move this country closer to equality for all people. That means helping to close the wage gap between women and men, and white women and women of color. It means ensuring committed gay couples have the same rights as committed heterosexual ones. It means ensuring that kids in poor inner-city and rural areas are guaranteed a good education just like rich kids in the suburbs. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I am the only person on earth to face inequality, and I am not entitled enough to think that a president’s work need be all about me. I wish some of my fellow American citizens felt the same way.

Almost worse than Ms. Burleigh's racist assertion's about what Mr. Obama should address as feminist issues was the writers blatant low regard for Black men she has & has not encountered:

The black guys came to school with picks in their huge Afros, and joints in their pockets, and we danced with them to Bootsy’s Rubber Band, in parentless, pot-scented, subsidized living rooms.

We never imagined that in our lifetime, we would someday be competing for the spoils of dying-Empire America. [umm you're surprised you would be competing because they're Black & therefore not able to compete?]

...I have no idea what happened to any of those young black men. Did they get lucky, draw the affirmative action straw and get into private colleges and law school, get promoted up the EEOC ranks of a multi-national? Or, are they delivering mail, pounding nails, in jail?

Ghaaah! Treacle on Racialicious made a great comment: "Obama is not campaigning to be the President of black people in the United States." And you know Hilary is not campaigning to be President of white women or all women for that matter. Dear gawd can this election be over soon?

So on to better things...

Last night I tasted a very strange fruit indeed (and I'm not talking about my girlfriend) called a miracle fruit. This little fruit provides one of the strangest culinary experiences a person could have. The fruit is about the size and shape of a very large fleshy seed & is red in color. You bite into it & let it's juices coat your tongue for at least 10 seconds, but I think 30 seconds is best. As you chew this fruit it's flavor begins to change & suddenly a burst of absolute sweet fills the mouth. Next is the real fun. Take something sour like a lime or lemon and put it in your mouth. Everything sour tastes sweet! It's amazing! And what's great is there is no fructose in this fruit so it's perfect for diabetics or anyone needing to avoid sugar. Apparently there's a restaurant in Japan that serves desserts without sugar & has patrons eat the fruits before consuming said desserts. Cool huh?!

You can get these fruits at: http://miraclefruitman.com/
Peace!
~F

Who Knew Domestic Partnership Really Does Come in Handy

2008-05-26T22:05:00.000-07:00

A few months ago as some of you may remember I got domesticated. As in my partner & I registered with the state of Oregon as domestic partners. Well little did I know that it would come in handy already.

My beloved & I work for the same company & last week while I felt like I was nearly dying with the flu, my sweetheart needed to leave work early to take me to the doctors. When she asked if she could leave early she was told she couldn't because it wasn't she who was sick. But she explained that there was no way I could get to the docs on my own & her boss responded that she could only use emergency leave if we were married/domestic partnered. "Well we are" she said to her boss. So my poor sweetie had to go talk to HR about it & confirm, yes were legal & have been since March thank-you-very-much! So they let her take off so she could drive me to my doctor.

I had no idea we would be called to validate our relationship so soon and I had no idea that our workplace would be the entity to need our relationship to be legal. Crazy! I'm so glad that my love & I registered and realize even more how important it is for same sex couples to have equal relationship rights. If my sweet hadn't been able to get me to the doctor it would have taken me that much longer to recover & get back on my feet as a tax paying citizen. Anyway that's my story du jour. Peace!

Sick (of it)

2008-05-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well folks I've been dealing with a number of health crises in the last few weeks. I have not shared too much on here because some things are personal & it's been difficult. I was diagnosed with candidiasis aka Candida last month and it's been a hell of a struggle. My diet has changed in addition to some other things to get better but my progress despite all my work is slow-going. This is because in part my immune system is not fully functioning. Many things feel out-of-whack but I'm trying to keep up a fighting spirit even when I have pain and other yucky symptoms.

2 weeks ago I was in the emergency room for severe stomach pain and since last Sunday I've had a sinus infection & flu. Probably the worst flu I've had since I was a kid. I was in so much pain I was crying in the doctors office. Finally I'm on the up side but I have to take it easy this week as the infection found it's way to my lungs & I have asthma & can't take any steroids or antibiotics because of my systematic yeast condition.

But I remain grateful. Glad to have insurance, doctors, friends and a supportive partner. I don't know what I would have done this month without them. So I keep on keeping on because there is no other choice. Anyway I hope to have more to share that is not about me later this week. Until then enjoy this great pic I found.
~F Learn more about Soul Soldiers here.

Mildred Loving in Her Own Words

2008-05-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

In honor of Mildred Loving who died on the 2nd of this month and California's reversal on banning same sex marriage, I'd like to post her statement on marriage equality in full. I think these words touch me in particular because I am queer & of color. Please enjoy!

Loving for All
By Mildred Loving
Prepared for delivery on June 12, 2007, on the 40th anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia announcement

When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, D.C. in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love and we wanted to be married. We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.

When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?

Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the "crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.

The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.

We left and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.

Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't have to fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal right is essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men," a "basic civil right."

My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all.

That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

8 Things Mixed Race Folks Don't Want to Hear

2008-05-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

Love this! Diversity Inc. has a great article on what not to say or ask mixed race folks & they are on point. Author Yoji Cole recited 8 key phrases or questions that many of us get and are sick to death of. Story example are included so check out the whole article here. Here are the 8 very annoying & dehumanizing sayings/questions:

"What are you?"

"What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"

"You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"

"Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"

"How in the world did your parents meet?"

"You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"

"You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"

"Aren't we all mixed anyway?"

If I had a dime for everyone of those I've heard, especially 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7. Anyway I hope everyone is well & I was happy to realize today that today's post is the 401st. I can't believe have wrote over 400 posts! Who knew this blogging thing would stick for me. And though I have been a little lax due to being so effing busy in other areas, I'm still so glad to have QWOC and all of you wonderful readers. Have a great mother's day!~F

Forgiveness

2008-05-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about & practicing forgiveness a lot so far this month. Been thinking too about love and how much I'd like every moment, thought and decision to be based in love and how hard that can be in the "smaller" moments of life.

This week I met with an old friend. She & I became tight after a few years & at one point I lived with her & her wife in their spare room. After the break up of one of my relationships, this friend & her wife not only stayed friends with the ex, but seemed to hang out even more with the ex than me. I felt my friends were being disloyal and promptly ended the friendship after a huge yelling match on the phone.

This old friend & I eventually ran into each other at a gay pride a couple years ago, about 2 years after our fight, and hugged & re-exchanged numbers but never contacted each other. Recently this old friend was at the same place I was & we chatted briefly but it was awkward & just sort of weird I guess. So I extended an olive branch & texted her asking if she'd like to get together. After a few voice & text messages we got together this weekend and caught up on each other's lives.

It was great to see her again and I felt good basking in our familiarity and connection. It wasn't scary or very hard. But I wondered when to bring up what has kept us apart. Finally after we had caught up we stood under a tree near my home, watching the rain fall upon the ground & hugged for a long while & told each other we were sorry. All the details seemed to be said in the hug and I once again felt that she was my friend. And though I admit I will take my time trusting her again, I will try to be a good friend to her if that is our path. Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Terrible things happen to people all the time. Every minute of the day. Small things & very tragic things. How do we love when someone simply annoys us? How do we forgive when our bodies & minds are pushed to the limits by pain inflicted by others? Where do we start? And what is the point?

Three different situations that involved pain I learned of from friends this weekend. One more terrible than the next. Each friend I honor & yet I feel so helpless because I know they have to go though their pain & get to the place in their own time, of forgiveness, so they can be free to fully love.

But I also listened to stories of transcendence. The ability to love & forgive & have compassion in situations that seemed unforgivable. I'd like to share two of the stories.

Julio Diaz

Hector Black

For more stories please check out StoryCorps. Also if you're struggling with forgiveness please try this wonderful online ritual. Peace!

Noooooooooo!

2008-05-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

My girl, my secret hollyweird crush Mariah Carey is quite possibly married to Nick Cannon. Waaaaah!

My only hope is that he is her "beard" and the whole union is just to protect her love of the ladies. That's the only way I can take this news. Because I love Mimi. Not in that crazy unattainable way but I love her music, style & persona. Ever since I saw her debut on the Arsenio Hall show many moons ago I have been smitten. It was the first time I saw a clearly mixed race person on stage. I never forgot it & her life story is quite amazing. Plus to me she is feminine to the hilt & I love it!

Anyway I don't care if she really is into Mr. Cannon or not, I'm still a fan. But for my sanity... to me she's the epitome of a lipstick lesbian & in my fantasies I'll keep it that way.

Hi/Bye

2008-04-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well I have not had much time to blog lately and now I'm going to be on holiday through Sunday. Plus I'm really busy today so this will be a shortie.

First off Happy Earf Day!

Okay that's about all I have time for today. But in the meantime if you're a queer woman of color & an activist or even not an activist please join the newly formed google group Radical Queer Women of Color for Peace. It rocks! http://groups.google.com/group/qwocradpeace

With that I'm out.
Peace!
~F

Women in the Congo Benefit

2008-04-20T13:35:00.001-07:00

My pal Jamie organized this event & my pal Nate Ashley will be playing there. If you live in or near Portland please join us at Plan B (1305 SE 8th St ) on April 24th. Women in the Congo get raped every day by "soldiers" with various items including wood chucks and bayonets which are not only psychologically damaging but can be damaging to reproductive health and can even result in death. The point of the assaults to to destroy these women and the Congolese government won't create a better justice system for perpetrators & worse some of the worst rapes are done by government troops.

So be a part of the healing and come to the benefit next Thursday starting at 8pm until 2am. Thank you for reading! Also if you belong to an area business & would like to donate a raffle prize, contact Jamie at delia.sailed@gmail.com.

Peace!

I Was Mad & Didn't Even Know It!

2008-04-14T22:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes reading blogs can be a bad thing. That's why I regularly have to take breaks from reading & posting. Today may lead to another break because I thought I wasn't upset about something I read. Thought the blatant anonymous racism out the in the ether of the Internet was something I knew & therefore could be unaffected by. Yet I was wrong.

How this was figured out was after I had already gone agro on someone. While walking to the bank I didn't even realize the post I'm about to tell y'all about was spinning in my head. Not in any kind of loud way, but more like after one thought, a tiny part of this post would come back to me like a burp after a meal. Walking on Burnside ( very busy street) to my destination it seemed cars kept stopping in the crosswalks leaving no room for pedestrians to get by without having to go into the street. One car after another seemed to do this & for some reason when a silver Volvo station wagon pulled so far into the crosswalk I felt nervous to even cross it, I banged on the hood of the drivers car with my fist. Bang bang, my curled hand drummed upon the hood. Needless to say as the driver went by she was unhappy & so to top it all off I gave her the finger. Because you know, that always accomplishes something.

Pause when agitated or doubtful is often said in recovery so I had to stop & do just that. Then a laugh spontaneously poured out of me. Then I felt sad. In thinking why I was sad it occurred to me that deciding a gorgeous woman with an incredible body must be sub- or even not human, because she is Black, just hurt my heart and pissed me off. Pissed because Serena Williams has a beautiful, athletic body that even other Black women think needs to be covered. Sad because many a woman, especially woman of color has to struggle to love her own body & be actually comfortable wearing a two piece swimsuit. Annoyed because racism is so ugly and the people who say "there is no more racism" are so fucking clueless.

Racialicious has a post today on TMZ's post on Serena Williams at the beach recently. I'm not mentally well enough to even attempt going over to TMZ to see what their post had to say but on Racialicious I was glad to see a number of folks admire Serena & take issue with some of the utterly stupid comments that the TMZ site had. Here's just a few shitty things that were said:

"I think you might have found ‘the missing link’ "
"Maybe Black women are not equal to white women—they are built stronger and bigger, and if so, this must be accounted for. So much for equal rights."
And the whopper...
“Is that human?”

Like I said most days I can deal with this stupid fucking shit. But when I see how folks channel what they will not say in public to comments on blogs, saying, at last, what they really think of POC, it is more than my brain can deal with & when I'm already not feeling good, I just kinda short circuit. Anyway I'm going to take a break from blog reading and posting for a couple days. I need to detoxify. But I promise I'll be back soon & with fewer swear words. And here's Serena. Enjoy!
~F

Snoop Dogg's Sensual Seduction. Best Video Ever!

2008-04-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

For reals!

More later y'all!
Peace!
~F

More Flowers & Some Friggin' Links

2008-04-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

I'm typing in a different font because I can. Anyway I got flowers from my sweetie today. A lovely rose was with several daisies & I decided to put it in my hair today. Pretty eh? It was very hard to take this pic because I was in the bathroom & despite having a mirror it was still a bit of a pain. But worth it because I love flowers in my hair & wanted to share this beautiful flower with y'all!

It's really nice out so I'm not saying much today. I had some really awesome sex yesterday. I've been having constant medical issues that have caused a strain on my sex life. I won't get into the gory details but today I am extra happy because even when my beloved & I can't get it on for whatever reason, we're always close. So it's just that much hotter when we do have sexy time. All day I've been grinning like a fool. Speaking of sex check out this recent post on the Powell's Books Blog. You can actually watch a couple screw. How ever thinks books are boring is sadly mistaken!

Other random items include a dude selling his Blackness on EBay, Arnold Schwarzenegger plans to fight against banning same sex marriage in California and an Iraq war veteran in Ashland, Oregon heals her pain by being a consultant to a play about an Iraq war veteran in "Welcome Home, Jenny Sutter" by Julie Myatt.

Folks have a beautiful weekend!
~F

Just When I Needed Them

2008-04-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

Friends in recovery who get it when I have a crappy day (my period is really bad right now!) and flowers. I'm a lucky gal!

Peace!

Friday Links No Mo'. And a Bunch of Other Stuff!

2008-04-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

I can't do it. I tried to have some damn discipline with this blog & do something regularly & consistently but right now at this time in my life that ain't gonna happen. Sometimes we have to accept that failure is an option. So for now I have failed at posting great links that I love every single Friday. And for now that's okay. Because I can always try again or try in a way that is different & even better. So for now no Friday link lovin'. I'll still keep all y'all informed of great links I find but it will be back to the randomness that is a trademark of QWOC blog.

So with that I'd like to mention some yummy Internet goodies I found this week. Let's take a look shall we?

My beautiful pal Zee has BlogHer ads on her blog & for the first time one ad actually got my attention. It's called ModestNeeds.org. Here is thier mission:
To prevent otherwise financially self-sufficient individuals and families from entering the cycle of poverty, when this might be avoided with a small amount of well-timed financial assistance;
To restore the financial self-sufficiency of individuals who are willing to work but are temporarily unable to do so because they do not have the means to remit payment for a work-related expense;
and To empower permanently disadvantaged individuals who otherwise live within their limited means to continue to live independently, despite a temporary, unexpected financial set-back.

There are some really neat points to this charity including that it is an accredited charity of the BBB (Better Business Bureau), it's tax deductible and best, 65% of the folks who utilize funds from Modest Needs become donors themselves. The whole point of Modest Needs is to keep otherwise self sufficient folks from floating into a sea of poverty over 1 or two sudden emergencies. It's not meant for folks who are constantly needing help. It's just working or middle class folks helping each other. I think it's a lovely cause!

Okay so switching gears a bit here is something I stumbled upon a couple months ago. It's called the Happiness Manifesto. It can be adjusted by each individual but it goes a little something like this...

Get physical. Engage in half an hour of exercise three times a week
Count your blessings. At the end of each day, reflect on at least five things you are grateful for
Talk time. Have an hour-long - uninterrupted - conversation with your partner or closest friend each week
Plant something. Even if it's a window box or pot. And, you must keep it alive
Cut your TV viewing by half
Smile at and/or say hello to someone you don't know. At least once each day
Phone a friend. Make contact with a friend or relation you have not talked to for a while and arrange to meet up
Have a good laugh at least once a day
Every day make sure you give yourself a treat. Take time to really enjoy this
Daily kindness. Do an extra good turn for someone each day

Things have been increasingly busy for me since mid 2007. So I think this happiness manifesto is a positive way of staying on track, during times of good & bad stress. I'll post (hopefully) regular, but random updates on how I'm living this manifesto & what some of my thoughts, feelings & experiences with it are. Anyone care to join me?

And now the dear diary portion of this post. So life has been great and very busy as many of you know. It's gotten busier with great things & I'm so grateful! My only issue is I don't know how to balance a beautiful life. Chaos, drama, ugly moments are easy. I know that stuff. I'm in recovery for a reason after all! So I'm taking baby steps all over again it feels like. Learning how to have success and joy & a productive healthy life is something I have worked so hard to have in this life & now it's here & by golly it's a little (a lot) hard to navigate these waters. Thank goddess for recovery & friends who have experience in (gosh this sounds silly, but it's the truth of where I'm at!) being happy & following their dreams & talents. These folks are helping me remember to stay in each moment and really relish in the gift that each moment has. And doing lots of various step work & going to regular meetings helps more than I can say. Who knew I'd need more meetings in health than pain?!

So as I continue this path I'm reminded that today is meant to be taken in bites. That the creator & it's angels are really here right now, even as I type these words. All I (or we) have to do is keep breathing, keep trying & keep up the faith. No matter how good or bad things get. Peace y'all!

The "It's About Time" Myth. A Note to You So-Called Progressives

2008-03-31T12:59:00.001-07:00

I'm kinda tired of hearing some folks for either Clinton or Obama say "it's about time we had a woman candidate." Or "it's about time we had a Black candidate." No it's not. It's not about time. The time, folks, has come & gone & has been past due for many many moons. This country has been overdue for a minority candidate for a long while & by now we should have had a bisexual, transgender, half Asian, half Black, half Dutch, half Jewish, wheelchair using former mental health patient by now. For the love of gawd people stop staying it's about time. No one gives a shit that you think you sound so progressive and tolerant. You don't.

A long time ago I had a recovery sponsor who said "things in this program take a long time." And she was right. In that same vein we can say that things in this country have taken & continue to take a long time. Take for example the Constitution of the United States. It says:
"We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

This statement was created 221 years ago by our founding "fathers" and though it's debatable what those words actually meant & who they were meant for back then, one thing is clear to me: US citizens are meant to be equal and are supplied by their Higher Power fundamental rights that cannot be taken away. So it has taken 221 years to achieve in this country the idea that the statement I just noted might be something that guides our society and leads us all to joy & freedom. The idea folks. That's as far as some of us have gotten. A number of folks aren't even there, but at least a number of folks see how all folks being equal is a good idea and worth happening some day. Yes progress is damn slow. Because an idea is not an action & the fact that the action freedom fighters have had to take just to get the rest of this country on board with the idea of the constitutions words, has at last had some results. Now mainstream liberals feel a minority (white female or Black male) could be equal if not better than the presidents we've had. That's great, but shouldn't our whole country felt that way at least 10 years ago? How about 25 years ago or even a hundred years ago?

Saying it's about time is a shortcut. It gives us the chance to vote for a minority & feel good about that & not have to do much else. It's an easy way to feel good about our ideas without having to admit we still need to take to the streets to ensure all of us have those unalienable rights. Knowing in this country that so many people are still discriminated against for no other reason than that they happen to exist in the body they are in, is something we need to look at, ponder, then change. We can't stop at casting a single vote & smugly feel we've done our duty as good liberals. We have to do more than just have ideas. We have to get busy, we have to fight, we have to communicate, we have to listen and we have to believe in the strength that our creator's have given us and get to work. That's when this country will move past being a great idea to a great place.

So next time you hear someone say "it's about time" ask them what else it's time for. And then challenge them to go do something about it.

Peace!
~F

Friday Link & 2 Videos

2008-03-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time today so here's a helpful link to get more involved in the fight to help end fistula.
www.fightfistula.org
Check it!

Here is a video of the oh-so-scary Reverend Wright. How crazy he is! I mean talking about violence to brown folks in this country. That's so... uhhhh....unpatriotic?

And here is a great response to Mr. Obama's speech on race last week from Dan.

White People, Get Over Yourselves from Dantrification on Vimeo.
Peace!
~F

Spooferific

2008-03-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

If you're sick of hearing about the pregnant dad, check out this video about gays discovering the christian gene.

Peace!
~F

The Good, the Bad & the Sad

2008-03-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

What a speech Barack Obama gave last week on this Nation's racism and building a more perfect union. I was in awe, impressed and felt for a moment damn proud to be an American- whatever that means. If this man doesn't make it into office, I know this- his speech made our country better. It permanently changed us for the better. He didn't just say words but provided enough inspiration for us all to look into each others hearts and begin to heal. I know most of you have already seen it, but here it is, because we need these words, this energy, more than I can articulate.

And here is a compilation of Fox ~~Sleeze~~ News reporting on Mr. Obama. Despite claims that our future president gets all the praise in terms of reporting, I think this video gives a clearer picture of what's really going on for Mr. Obama in the mainstream press.

On to a totally different topic. Have y'all heard of obstetric fistula? I hadn't until yesterday. Dear god what a horrible horrible condition. Here's a little bit on it from the United Nations:

The smell of leaking urine or feces, or both, is constant and humiliating, often driving loved ones away. Left untreated, fistula can lead to chronic medical problems, including ulcerations, kidney disease, and nerve damage in the legs.

How does this happen you ask? Dr. Mark Linden says: obstetric fistula occurs due to prolonged pressure of the child’s head against a part of soft tissue between the mother’s pelvis. The soft tissue becomes necrotic (dies) from the lack of blood supply and breaks down.

And here's the deal. It's preventable, fixable and is happening to mainly most African countries, India and surrounding countries. $300 is all it takes to repair a mother's fistula with surgery and post op care. To make a needed donation go here! To learn more about this devastating illness click here. If you consider yourself a feminist I challenge you to pay attention to this issue for our sisters in the "developing" world. Here's a story on this nightmare. PBS will be airing a documentary called A Walk to Beautiful in May. View the trailer here.

Sending good thoughts to all you lovely QWOC readers!
~F

For Those of You Who Have Ever Had a Broken Heart. Believe!

2008-03-23T19:18:00.000-07:00

That's right kids. Tesla Rules!

Barack Obama

2008-03-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

Though I'm reluctant to endorse anyone for president who does not support full marriage equality for LGBTQ2s, I am still endorsing Barack Obama for president. The electoral college sucks, and our system for elections needs to change, and until that happens I doubt I'll feel overcome with excitement over any canidate. That being said, I feel Obama is a uniter rather than a divider. He's not perfect but he will make a good president for how the system is and I like his style. So I'm supporting Barack Obama. Go team!
~F

Friday Linky Dinks. Nazi Homo's, Brilliant Homo's and Geraldine Ferraro

2008-03-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

A short post today as I took the day off & don't feel like being on the computer much today. So here we go!

I was going to write a post titled: Oregon Bigots Think Some Gays are Brilliant! But since I don't feel like writing much here's the beginning of the post.

A recent interview with Senator Gary George, co-sponsor of an initiative to repeal the Oregon Equality Act, shed light on how behind the times some of our elected officials can be.

Okay so now there is an update to that interview via Just Out about how Gary George said in a very recent speech that the Oregon Equality Act is not only special rights but agreed with an audience member that these supposed special rights of GLBTQ families are similar to Nazi's. What a douche bag! I'm sorry for calling names but geez. I mean really. I don't even have the words.

Geraldine Ferraro has gotten herself in a bit of a mess recently when she said the following:
"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position,” she continued. “And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.”

Anyone remember the Gloria Steinem debacle? Well now it's former vice-presidential candidate Ferraro to take a stab at sounding a little less that smart about the current presidential candidates. Here's an interesting take on this whole mess at Whuh?

Enjoy this funny video on the subject.

I'm Domesticated!

2008-03-13T17:21:00.000-07:00

As of 3pm today my beloved & I are officially domestic partners in the state of Oregon! We're thrilled! More details later.
Peace!
~F

QWOC Changes

2008-03-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

If your reading this post you may have already noticed one change. The brand spankin' newly designed by moi header is my favorite thus far. It's bright, pretty, natural and of course... pink. Plus it's bigger & bolder, which I think aptly represents my nature these days. Anywho I hope y'all enjoy this new header as I think it will be up through summer. The credit for the photo goes to Ian Britton from the website FreeFoto.com.

The other change is on a completely different level. As my regular readers may know, there is a tag I've used for posts that discuss my personal life moments of weirdness or whatever. The tag used was "Life Bitches." After much thought I've decided to take the b-word out of my vocabulary. I don't like the way that word is used to describe women. And it seems to often be used to describe women who are comfortable with power. Overuse of power is as we all know, can happen to anyone regardless of gender & I'm sick of seeing women called the b-word when their being jerks just because they happen to be female jerks. It's derogatory & I no longer wish to participate in such prejudiced language, even if it's being used in jest or for things that don't have to do with women per se.

I'll keep that old tag as it has been used because that was where I was at and like rings of a tree, this blog is a witness to my changes & growth. From here on out though I'll use the tag "That's Life" to describe those bizarre moments in life.
Peace!
~F

The War & That Not so Fresh Feeling + Friday Literary Links + Heartbeats

2008-03-07T18:21:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I has breakfast with my sweetheart at Jam, a restaurant that is consistently great for breakfast. While waiting for scrambled eggs, hash browns and a ricotta lemon pancake, I noticed on a wall a sign about a soldier from Portland currently in Iraq. His name is JD and in the picture next to a sign detailing his experiences at war I noticed he was quite handsome in his uniform and thought he seemed like he would probably make a good military officer. The poster sized sign described how cold it is in Iraq, how they rarely get letters for various reasons and that in order for these folks over there to even be able to talk on the phone to loved ones, they must have an AT&T calling card and wait in line for 2 hours. I felt heartbroken all over again for those in Iraq fighting and surviving and living & feeling and being in Iraq. It's been 5 years y'all! And quite frankly I'm getting that not-so-fresh-feeling!

It's been long e-fuckin'-nough. 5 years. 5 friggin' years! It's gone on too long. And what breaks my heart even more is that our troops when they do come home, are left without enough medical coverage, enough money or enough concern. If you have time next Saturday and are in Portland, please join me at a rally and action camp next weekend on March 15th. It's being called: March 15 World Without War: A Day of Resistance and Hope. I hope to see you there!

Okay I better switch topics before I go into a depression. So March, besides being Women's History Month is also Small Press Month. And none other than Walter Mosely is the poster dude for the celebration. For suggestions on titles to read for this go here. I'm happy to say I've read a number of the books listed but would also like to read Lonely Ware wolf Girl and also The Secret Adventures of Charlotte Bronte.

Critical Mass the blog of the national book critics circle has the scoop the NBCC winners. I'm personally very excited to see that Medical Apartheid by Harriet Washington won for general nonfiction. It's no surprise that The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz won for fiction because it's well...wonderful. Anyway congrats to the winners!

My pal Kevin Sampsell gave me an interesting book the other day titled: Sex for America: Politically Inspired Erotica. And it's a hoot. The very first story is a man's encounter with Dick Cheney in the back of a gun shop. Since were in election mode I think there is no better book to get us in the mood... for sex and politics. So check it out. Speaking of sex and writing there is a new award for sex positive journalism aptly called the Sexies. Submissions are being taken until the 23rd of this month so if you have done some sex positive journalism find out more here.

Well I need to go home and feed the animals now. I think I'll be getting a laptop soon cuz this blogging at work off the clock thing is starting to get really old. In the meantime here are two awesome videos of the same song. It's worth listening to them both because one is the studio version and the other is live & sometimes music can be great in the studio & suck live, the this group called The Knife, has done a great job in both genres! The song is called Heartbeats. Enjoy y'all. Much love!
~F

Margaret B. Jones You Did Some Bad Bitty!

2008-03-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

From Trans World:

Margaret B. Jones admitted that she lied in her memoir "Love and Consequences: A Memoir for Hope and Survival" and that the basis of her novel was a hoax.

Jones, whose real name is Margaret Smeltzer, said in her book that she was a half-White, half-Native American girl who suffered child abuse while being brought up by foster parents in gritty south-central Los Angeles. She claimed to have kept herself alive by running drugs for members of the Bloods, a notorious street gang in L.A.

So umm yeah. What is funny about all this is Library Journal raved about this faux memoir yet gave James McBrides excellent novel a shitty review. So the lesson here is don't trust Library Journal's reviews! Bad bitty!

More here.

So Too Cute Pic of the Doggies and Moi

2008-03-04T12:05:00.000-08:00

Awwwwww!
~F

Hello! It's Been a While. Did You Miss Me?

2008-03-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Golly gosh February was busy! But I'm happy to say I made it through one heck of a full month. Didn't get to do some of the things I wanted to do on this blog though like any Black History stuff. Nor did I post my friggin' interview with the ED of Brother to Brother, which in now called the Unity Project or Oregon. But sometimes one has to cut themselves some slack & I'm okay with that. There were many firsts in February including creating & giving a workshop, being on a panel to discuss a film and writing my first published article. My heart is happy to have done work that truly made me feel like a person creating effective change in this world. Being an instrument of my higher power may not bring power & prestige, but at the end of the day I feel grateful for the opportunity to be of service.

All of these wonderful opportunities came because of this here blog. Though I may not have the readership of say Perez Hilton or icanhascheezburger.com I'm grateful to the readers who have found me one way or another and have read my rants, raves, essay's and various ideas on life. If it were not for this blog and my commitment to keep writing for it even when I'd go weeks without a reader comment, I'm not sure I'd be who I'm becoming. So a huge thank you to all of you who read this and link to me. You are silent but shiny stars in my life!

Some other things are around the corner in terms projects. I'm working on another article for Just Out and have been asked to soon become a board member of an organization I really care for and want to be committed to. More updates on all that soon!

Anyway I wanted to note a few links since I didn't get to my Friday Link Lovin'.

Hysterical website if you love any kind of purebred animal in your life. It's called Obey the Purebreed. You can order some crazy ass tee shirts that are in a propaganda style. Good gawd it's tha shit! Here's my favorite!

If your looking for a news website that has something other than a white white white focus, go visit the great website New America Media whose tag line is: Expanding the news lens Through Ethic Media. It's a collaboration of ethnic media organizations & well worth your time!

One last thing. I'm reading a fantastic novel by James McBride called Song Yet Sung. I don't have time to get into it now, but go get a copy cuz it's good. More on the book later!

Tootles!
~F

I Think I was On This Birth Control Once

2008-02-25T19:17:00.000-08:00

Ever heard of Annuale? If not learn more here.

Peace!
~F

So Bitch is the New Black? I Don't Think So!

2008-02-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

Excuse me for not riding the Tina Fey bandwagon over the whole "Bitch is the new Black" campaign that appeared on last nights SNL program. It appears to me that any person of color, especially Black person & especially Black woman has a right to think carefully about what the possible double meaning of those words are. Some may say I'm looking to deeply into that phrase but let's stop for a moment & actually think. Let's contemplate how those words may sound to an actual person who is Black.

Barack Obama as we know is mixed race but generally labeled Black. Could bitch is the new black also stand for bitch being the new Black candidate? If this is the case I'd like to ask, just what the hell is wrong with having a Black candidate? In my humble opinion Tina Fey's words were divisive, which of late has been a trademark of the Clinton campaign.

This presidential election should not be about white women vs. Black men. It needs to be about bringing the US, all of us, together. Yes I agree bitches get things done. Am I a bitch? Some think so. Because I speak my mind when I feel strongly and do the work that needs to get tasks done. Though I don't really care for that term, one could indeed say I'm a B-word. But Mrs. Clinton is a presidential candidate and school yard terminology is not what is going to help us progress to freedom as a society. And since the word Black has been used by many persons to imply that which is negative, bad or even deathly and also used it as a term for the color of a certain races skin, I believe it's important to think when using the word, term and yes, color, Black. B-word or not, Bitch folks ain't the new Black. Black is, was and will always be just that, Black. And it is beautiful, powerful and more than some idea or nasty word.

No You tube clip yet but I'll put it up when available.
Peace!
~F
Update
Here's the vid. Judge for yourself.

Friday Links on Saturday. Oh Well

2008-02-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

It's been yet another busy fawking week in February. For a short month, I feel like it's been really action packed. In fact I should be writing my article for Just Out but had to update the blog I love so. So here we go.

Boka Marimba is coming! I love their shows because I dance like the freaking fool I can be. So check them out next Saturday at the Imago Theater.

An excellent post by Tami in the Midwest from her blog What Tami Said. She discussed being a Black woman and how in terms of being considered a woman and getting the same chivalry from white men is hard to come by if your not white. The post went to the heart of some of my own experiences as a WOC especially when I was less secure of my own beauty. I found her post via Racialicious (of course because it's the best blog ever!) and made a comment about on of my own moments in high school you can read here. Anywho very good post & food for thought!

Also via Racialicious was a post by Wendi Muse about fashion designer Kenneth Cole's latest campaign and I LOVE IT! It's called "We All Walk in Different Shoes" and features folks who are not models but very beautiful & were his items well. The front cover of his website features a picture of a little boy in between two sets of beautiful women's legs. All you see are great shoes, great legs & a cute little boy. Well the legs belong to a married lesbian couple who are this child's parents. What a way to start the website show. On the left side of the site you can click a button that says "Non uniform thinkers click here" and that's where you'll find a brilliant campaign and great fashions too boot. You need to see it to believe it. But included are a woman who is HIV +, a Black man in a wheelchair, a very handsome Sikh and an undocumented Latina. As soon as I can afford some of his fashions I'm going to by some stuff from Kenneth Cole for sure!

Okay that's it from me for now. Hope y'all are having a groovy weekend!
~F

Let me Finger What Drives You

2008-02-20T13:05:00.000-08:00

A few days ago My sweetie & I were walking down Burnside. A Street known for being quite busy for vehicles & pedestrains alike. As we started to cross the street a car (and it's driver) pulled all the way into the crosswalk making us go around the vehicle & into the dangerously busy street. Passing the car & lady driver I without much thought flipped her the bird. Personally I hate it when drivers do this especially on busy roads and my first reaction is to flip folks off. It beats what I used to do in my more agro days when I'd kick the cars or throw drinks on them.

But what does flipping the bird to these folks really accomplish? Does it really make me feel better? Does it change their behavior making them less reckless & more considerate? I doubt my hostility, however dramatic or mild makes anyone do anything the way I wish them to. And it's these kinds of exchanges that can be subtle & easy to miss as a chance for empowerment, kindness & understanding. No matter how in how wrong the other person is how can the experience be used as on e of those oh-so-fun growth opportunities?

I guess in the end it's all about how I'm feeling at the end of the moment. As with many things I feel utterly compelled to do, I find once the moment of obsession or iritation or amazement passes, so does the need to react to it. And often I find when I resist my first impulse, I was glad I didn't follow through with whatever appeared to satiate my desires at the time. In the end do I want to pretend that flipping off somene will make me get my due revenge? In the end do I want the other person to feel my anger, how ever fleeting, and pretend they'll be more conscientious because of it? These are the questions I need to ask myself if I truly wish to live in the tradition of non-violence.

Violence can be a subtle as flipping the bird to a momentary perceived "enemy." It's not acting out of peace & the belief in the inherent goodness or godliness that resides in us all. So now I must stretch my heart to fit that which my mind already knows. Because I like myself & who I am. I enjoy doing things that make the world a better place & allow me to be the instrument of love that I'm meant to be. My fear of oncoming traffic and reaction to that fear by giving drivers the finger doesn't solve much & doesn't allow for the truth of the situation. So I'll continue to watch for tho moments where I feel a need to react and remember in those moments who I really am.

Susie Bright Has Nice Legs

2008-02-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

One of the perks of my job is getting to meet authors. Some of the authors I like & others I don't. Now I never discuss on this here bloggie the ones I don't care for because I have heard of Dooce. So tonight I'm sharing about one writer/editor/sexpert/mom/feminist I was glad to meet and that is none other than Susie Bright. Sadly for her a minute or two into our chatting I began to grill her on why the Best American Erotica series only had white folks on the covers. I mean hey, out of 15 years one would think at least one cover would have a POC on it. She was truthful about how she felt about the covers and what the deal was with them & her answer satisfied me. Then I asked about how she was this famous lesbian but is now partnered with a dude. Gosh I hope I didn't overwhelm her.

Anyhow it was lovely to meet an author whose work I actually own & respect. And too boot she has awesome legs! It was hard for me not to stare at them during the reading tonight. So later, after the reading was over & her fans dwindled I asked if she'd take a picture with me. She suggested a pic of our legs and honestly I was thrilled! So without further ado, a view from my camera phone of my & Susie Bright's legs. Enjoy!

Peace!

This Turns me on yet makes me Very Uncomfortable

2008-02-17T19:09:00.001-08:00

It's Only Because I Love You! Friday Linkage

2008-02-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

Hot dog it's been a busy week as I previously mentioned. And for some gawd awful reason Blogger's spell check is not working for me lately so I apologize if words are misspelled, but I am a really shitty speller. So before I get to the links I must share this utterly silly pic my sweetie & I took the other night. Now I want you to picture Amy Winehouse singing that rehab song as you view the following. Ready? Are you sure? Okay here is our dog Lucy with what we were trying to make look like a bouffant wig (but is really a dark brown sock!)...

I sent this pic to a bunch of my friends but I'm not sure all of them know wtf was on the dogs head. Okay... time for links!

Here's a handy little link that I found from Girl Robot on George ~~satan~~ Bush's Legacy. Click here to not be suprised by the crackpot job this dude has done for the US of A. Anyone suprised that folks outside the US don't regard this country as highly as they did in 2001? Or that consumer debt is up 5 trillion? Or that we have more un-insured Americans now than we did 7 years ago? I'm not. Before I get steamed up I shall move on.

So what is even more awesome than new good lookin' clothes? Clothes that are sweatshop free of course! Check out SweatFree.org to learn about the campaign for getting the government (aka the MAN) to only do business with business' that are NOT sweatshops. Here's Portland Oregon's resolution. Does your city have one? If not go here to take action.

Okay so have you heard of the dance nights at clubs where they focus one 2 particular artists and kinda pit them against each other for maxium dance joy? Well next Friday the 22nd at the Goodfoot (2845 SE Stark) it will be James Brown vs. Stevie Wonder. It should be worth noting that you cannot really compare these two but you can have a fun time dancing to their grooves. The Goodfoot website doesn't seem to have anything about the event listed as I right this, so call them at (503)239-9292 or try their website in a day or two.

Moshi Moshi (which I can't vouch is sweatfree) is having a Mr. T art show for their grand opening at their new digs on West Burnside and 9th. I personally love the persona of Mr. T & hope to see some good art that honors him. March 6th is the day and 6pm-9pm is the time. Learn more about Moshi Moshi here.

Last but of course not least is yet another goody via Girl Robot. At Rands In Repose there is a terribly on point post about nerds. Need to understand a nerd in your life? Try this handy Nerd Handbook! Not only is this post funny but may be helpful to nerds & non-nerds alike. For instance it's helpful to note that the nerd needs a cave to work on projects. Or that the nerd always has in her/his head the relevancy factor. Or how "small talk is the bane of the nerds existence." God gawd how fawking true. The only thing I couldn't totally relate to is the computer thing. Though I love computers I refuse at this point to have one in my home. But I think it's because I am so nerdy, I'd never leave the fawking house if I did. Anyway if you get any of what I'm saying, check it out.

Well I'm off to do laundry. Peace y'all!

Is it Just Me or is February, Like the Busiest Month Ever?!

2008-02-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

Holy Helsinki I can't seem to find the time to finish up some of the blogging projects I've been excited to do. My Black History features have are a bunch of saved drafts at this point. My awesome interview is still being written and all in all I just can't seem to focus on what I wish to blog about. Ahh the joys of Mercury in retrograde! Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful that my life is brimming with meaningful activities outside of the blogosphere. I just want to complete some of the tasks that I set up for myself here. *sigh*

Here are just a few things I've been doing:

Wedding Plans-
Now that my beloved & I know for sure we'll have our ceremony & reception in Eastern Oregon, we're scouting out locations do what were gonna do. Also we needed to figure out just where in Mexico we will honeymoon and for how long. The invitations are another project because she's an artist and I love to design, so we are going to create our invites and then have them printed instead of just picking out some pre-made thing. It's all fun stuff to explore but they take time.

Activism/Volunteering-
Seems like I've been more busy than usual with equality projects. It's wonderful to be able to serve my fellows. So seriously no complaints! With going out of town, writing articles, speaking and such I just seem to need to take that extra important down time in decent sized chunks so I don't get too burned out. My recovery home group also voted me in as Intergroup Representative, which isn't so bad but it does mean I have one more meeting a month to go to & one more thing to regularly report on. Oh and speaking of stuff I'm doing, please come visit the Q Center tomorrow night at 7:30pm for the viewing of the documentary Brother Outsider, about the life of Bayard Rustin. After the film there will be a panel discussion that inclues moi. Learn more here!

House Cleaning-
Enough said!

There's more but I don't wish to bore anyone with the detail like that I not am going to my naturopath/acupuncture doctor every week to work on my endometriosis the natural way. And that I've got to track all of my food comsumption due to my new anti-inflamation diet to treat the endometriosis and shed a few pounds before the wedding. Blah blah blah. Life is beautiful & though I'm not getting all my blogging goals completed, some good things have and will get done this month. So I'm letting myself off the hook here. Right now all I can say for the things on this blog I wish to accomplish is... I'll get to it when I get to it. In the meantime I wish all y'all a happy Valentines day... and night!
Peace!
~F

Show Your Presidential Support with a Lovely Thong!

2008-02-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Cafe Press, you can show the world, or at least the ladies in the locker room, who you support for president! And people say Americans are obsessed with sex & politics. I beg to differ!

This Vanity Fair Cover is Yucky

2008-02-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

Can someone explain to me why Vanity Fair and photographer Annie Leibowitz decided this was a good cover? Not only are the colors not very exciting or flattering to the majority of the ladies but the photo is clearly racist.

Some explain why the woman with the darkest skin, Zoe Saldana, is the only one wearing a swimsuit? I suppose for Vanity's sake they feel they're damned if they do include women of color and damned if they don't. But to include this actress, regardless of her talent in the one & only outfit that would not be acceptable to wear at a ball, like the other women in the photo (or walking down the street for that matter) because she's wearing a freakin' swimsuit! *sigh*

More thoughts at Jezebel on this.
Peace!
~F

Life is Good!

2008-02-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

So much to celebrate! So much to do. And that means it's extra important to have down time to relax. So I've taken this Friday off to have a 3 day weekend and chill with my boo & meditate on the lovely changes that are coming into my life.

First things first. Pics of the rally for equality sponsored by BRO. I'm sorry it took so long to to get around to uploading them & they're not that great of pics, but you get the idea of how many folks stood in the rain to show they care about all families.

And of course best of all starting yesterday same sex couples are able to get civil unions! I don't really care for the term domestic partnerships so in the future I'll say civil union but y'all will know I mean "domestic" partnerships. My beloved & I are going to get legal at the end of the month! Yay!

The workshop I did for OSCC went well I think. Though I was nervous & as usual forgot entirely what I was talking about at one point, it seemed folks got was I was sharing for the most part & I hope I get asked back next year. Though I didn't get to see much at the conference due to friends coming into town from Pendleton, I had fun!

Tonight my brother in-law to be is coming over for a celebration of his 25th birthday. He doesn't know this but we have some suprises in store!

Okay so even more about me, soon you'll be able to see my name in lights! Okay not really but yesterday I got my first assignment from Just Out and will be writing for them on a regular basis. I'm really excited to stretch my wings & hopefully write things for my queer sisters & brothers in Oregon that they find interesting. March will be when my first article comes out so stay tuned!

Next week on valentines day the Q Center is having an event that is near & dear to me. QDocFest will be showing the film Brother Outsider at 7:30pm. The movie is about one of my all time favorite activists Bayard Rustin. He not only organized the well known March on Washington but had the courage to be an out gay Black male activist. His story deserves our attention so please stop by the Q Center on February 14th. What a way to experience the love & peace he has brought to us all by coming on down that night. Also I'll be there speaking on a panel about the queer Black experience. So ya know, please stop by!

Finally my best gal pal in Portland Zee made the cutest film of her dog Rennie running around chasing a remote controlled car. Too cute! Here it is.

I have not forgotten about featuring Sylvester or the awesome QWOC interview. They're a coming so stay with me. Hope all y'all and enjoying the glow of a little bit more equality this week. I know I am! Peace!
~F

Time for a Change

2008-02-03T14:54:00.000-08:00

Well folks it's time for a change. That's right! All good things do change & hopefully become better things. QWOC will soon be it's own website at a new address and everything. This includes a title change because I need to keep things fresh! Though I love Blogger I decided to host it at Wordpress because I'm new to all this web hosting whatnot & decided it will be easier on my brain to go through Wordpress right now.

When Mercury gets out of its current retrograde I'll start working on the actual design of the new website and at that time reveal where to find me. Until this stay tuned to QWOC for all yummy queer woman of color related insights and gossip & TMI on my love life and various silly items and of course my own personal gay agenda! Ha!

More later. I just wanted to give an update for now.
Peace!
~F

Holy Crap! We're Getting Domesticated!

2008-02-02T06:46:00.001-08:00

Words cannot express how wonderful it is & how excited I am that my sweetie & I will be soon legally bound! I love her & now we can have the protections (In the state of Oregon) for our little family! No matter what y'all... always always always believe in the power of love to make the difference! Many thanks to Basic Rights Oregon for fighting the good fight with & for all Oregonians!

Back tomorrow!
~F

Little Break

2008-02-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

Howdy y'all. I'm off to Corvallis for the Oregon Students of Color Coalition's annual conference at OSU. I hope to see some of you there & if you make it look for my workshop titled: Countering Oppression: Tips, Trick & Technology to Make the World a better Place. If you can't make it feel free to send good vibes to all the sisters & brothers in Corvallis.

Be back Sunday with pics from the rally for domestic partnerships, pics from the conference & a meme that I was tagged on. Peace y'all!
~F

Loss/Black History Month Starts Today (unofficially)

2008-01-30T15:10:00.000-08:00

There are no words to really describe the loss I feel about what I'm about to share here. I know that these things may seem trivial & really they are, but I'm still bummed. Waaahh!

Portland Steak & Chophouse is changing its menu & will no longer have it's wonderful happy hour. Good lord the burgers are yummy & an awesome Caesar salad for $2 is a small piece of heaven. My beloved & I were there Monday nigh when our waitress broke the sad news. She said starting February 1st there will be only half-price appetizers. I know I'm not the biggest fan of change but still, things just won't be the same!

Golden Jade on SE Belmont is gone! I didn't even know until I passed by it this morning on my way to a bus stop. It was a great little place with the most friendly orders & very good and salty egg foo young. Now what are my partner & I going to do for takeout nearby? No more egg flower soup when were sick. No more Mongolian beef. Good god!

Bearitos makes this delicious and cheap canned bean dip that I love to eat with my yuppie corn chips. Well now Whole Foods no longer stocks it. I found this out on my lunch break today! I wondered around the store forlorn wondering what the hell to eat. I finally settled on an organic banana, yuppie corn chips & a bean, rice & cheese WF frozen burrito. The shame!

After all this I also hear that one one presidential candidate I was actually excited for dropped out. That's right. The white man I liked best. I think it's because his campaign was oh-I-don't-know .....honest. He was for the working U.S. American. Fawk!

Okay on a way different note!

So since Black folk get the short end on the calender stick when it comes to having a month to celebrate a people I like to declare a few days before February 1st the beginning of Black History Month. So hazzah and welcome to Black History Month!
This year I'm going to make a special focus on African Americans who have made music that inspires & also queer African Americans. Sometimes someone will be both & that's awesome. The first person I plan to feature will be your favorite & mine Sylvester the disco giant and drag diva.

Once again Welcome to Black History Month!
Peace!
~F

Friday Links on Tuesday. Because I Can

2008-01-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

But first a pic of the cutest puppy ever! For more information click here!

Well folks I've been excited to share these links with y'all so here goes.

Have a story to tell? DIY Stories happens once a month in various places around Portland. You don't have to be a professional storyteller. In fact sometimes the best stories come from folks who are nervous to share a story in front of a group for the first time. This next DIY Stories happens February 13th at the Urban Grind coffee shop (2214 NE Oregon). It takes place at 8pm.

Do you have goals? Of course we all do but what a website that can actually help you along with them? 43 Things has become a site I constantly visit. Unlike the sites myspace & even face book, 43 Things has all the e-communal feeling without the need to impress or play any games. Folks share a diverse range of goals from knitting a scarf to not burning themselves or thinking about suicide. And the really fun thing is you can not only share & set goals but cheer other peoples goals. It's a love fest with no pomp. Here's my goals so far on 43 Things.

So whats the deal with our U.S. economy? Are we heading for or already in a recession? Barbara Ehrenreich, author of Nickle & Dimed has written a great article called Recession - Who Cares? Here's an excerpt.

"I suspect that America’s fabulous growth in productivity is another illustration of the disconnect between economic measures and human experience. It’s been attributed to better education and technological advances, which would be nice to believe in. But a revealing 2001 study by McKinsey also credited America’s productivity growth to “managerial innovations” and cited Wal-Mart as a model performer, meaning that we are also looking at fiendish schemes to extract more work for less pay. Yes, you can generate more output per apparent hour of work by falsifying time records, speeding up assembly lines, doubling workloads, and cutting back on breaks. Productivity may look good from the top, but at the middle and the bottom it can feel a lot like pain."

Yes Babs it does feel like pain!

Last link is about tomorrow. The rally to Defend Equality takes place at the Terry Shruck Plaza. Go to SW 3rd and Madison in downtown Portland at 5:30pm. My partner & I will be among many who are standing up to prejudice within the system. Please come Join us! More info at BRO (Basic Rights Oregon).

I'll try to get some pics up from the rally Thursday. Peace!

Still Sick/Yummy Chili/Example of Internet Activism

2008-01-28T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm still sick with that effing sinus thing (aka "the crud") and too boot I think I may have candida. I see my naturopath tomorrow & hope she can help heal me before I present my workshop on Saturday. Last thing I need is for a group of my sisters & brothers hearing me hack, snort & wheeze my way through the session. So here's my chili recipe, which my beloved said was the best chili she ever had and even though she has to say nice stuff about my cookin', I know when she's really impressed by a dish.

Fran's Garden Steak Chili
1 1/2 lbs of organic steak chopped (I like hangar steak especially because there's little fat after cooking and it has a rich flavor & texture)
3 1/2 cups water
1 28oz. can of diced or stewed tomatoes
1 6oz can tomato paste
1 can black beans (rinsed)
1 can kidney beans (rinsed)
1 cup frozen or canned corn
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large carrot
4-6 cloves garlic chopped
1 medium onion chopped
1 1/2 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. red chili flakes
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 very small lemon
1/4 cup molasses
sea salt to taste
2 tbsp. olive oil

In a dutch oven on medium high heat coat bottom with olive oil & brown the steak and add garlic & onions. Saute a few minutes then add water, tomato paste & diced tomatoes. Allow to the mixture to get to boiling then turn heat to medium low and add the rest of the ingredients and squeeze the juice from the lemon into the pot. Cook for 1 hour stirring occasionally. Then turn heat to low & simmer another 2 hours. Serve with freshly baked cornbread and sprinkle sharp cheddar cheese on top of chili.

Now in news outside of my own little world...
One great example of Internet activism happened last week when CNN posted a story about Black women voters and their "dilemma" with having to choose between a female presidential candidate and a Black male one. Now I'm not sure how many comments that initial story got but there was so much reaction, so many folks commented, that CNN had to post another story later that day about the reactions to their story. Wow! My favorite gossip blog Jezebel reported on the story and noted one commenter that CNN also noticed named Tiffany who said:

"Duh, I'm a black woman and here I am at the voting booth. Duh, since I'm illiterate I'll pull down the lever for someone. Hm... Well, he black so I may vote for him... oh wait she a woman I may vote for her... What Ise gon' do? Oh lordy!"

A few of the commenter's on the Jezebel blog thought Tiffany was a rawk star saying things like:

"Buy that woman a drink", "Tiffany seems like an awesome lady", "Dear Tiffany, you have my vote" and "Tiffany, I can be biffle with yuo." (huh!) Anyway it seems like Tiffany by daring to speak up and use humor at the same time made a lot of people's day that day, especially mine.

This Internet interaction illustrates the power of people of color speaking out. To the point CNN had to take notice and reflect on it's narrow focus. Congrats to Tiffany, all the responders and CNN for taking the time to change the world just a little bit.

It's moments like that that give me hope to keep going, keep being an activist and love life. Reminds me of something Martin Luther King Jr. once said:
"Almost always the creative dedicated minority has made the world better."-Martin Luther King Jr.

Peace y'all!
~F

On the Mend

2008-01-25T12:52:00.000-08:00

Since late Tuesday afternoon I've been sick as hell. Some kind of evil sinus cold thingy invaded my head & wouldn't let go. Though I'm 75% better I'm still trying to take things slowly & not push myself. In that vein I'm not going to worry about doing a fabulous post to make up for not posting since Tuesday. Instead here's a play-by-play my sick time was spent.

Tuesday at 3pm. Get off work. Feeling sleepy. Hang with my girl, head to SE and eat Pho at Pho Van.
5pm. Fall asleep on the couch with the dogs and cat.
Wednesday at 5pm. Finally get up after sleeping off & on for 24 hours. Take vitamins and sinus medicine, eat & watch coverage of Heath Ledger's death.
9pm. Go back to bed.
Thursday at 1pm. Eat. Take meds. Watch Porky's 2 and Amityville 2. God help me!
5pm. Take a nap.
7pm. Get up to watch more coverage on Heath Ledger. Watch an episode of from the first season of Miami Vice while waiting for NBC's The Celebrity Apprentice. So good!
10pm. Read David Sedaris to my sweetie which promptly puts both of us to sleep.
Wake up at 8:16am on Friday praying I can get though the work day.

Good times. Anyway I hope you all stay warm & healthy this week & I'll be back later with links!

Peace!

Goodbye Mr. Ledger

2008-01-22T14:39:00.000-08:00

Keith Ledger, star of the powerful film Brokeback Mountain has died at the age of 28. He leaves behind a daughter named Matilda and what would have been a thriving movie career. Pills were found near his body.

RIP Mr. Ledger

Full Moon/Mercury in Retrograde is Coming

2008-01-21T22:31:00.000-08:00

It must be a full moon because I normally don't post 3 times in a day. But what can I say? Anyway the planet Mercury will soon go retrograde. Basically from January 25th to February 23rd we may feel the effects of Mercury retrograde in Aquarius. What does it all mean? Here's a great blog with a post that's a good for learning more.

Also note that Aquarius is an air sign and is an energy that is kinda like the absent minded professor, so be careful when driving, walking while chewing gum and any gatherings where you might say... a little too much that doesn't quite make sense. Computers are very much at risk especially in this round of Mercury retrogrades for 2008 so back up everything, write shit down and don't start that new website until the end of February.

Since it was a full moon today here is a pic that I took of my sweetie & I last night that I doctored up with some sepia tone. Doesn't she look like she's turning into a werewolf? Click on the picture & you'll see something kewl!
All right that's enough out of moi. Enjoy it all y'all!
~F

Missed the Rally but at least I Ate a Good Happy Hour Meal

2008-01-21T17:17:00.000-08:00

Well crap. Due to unforeseen circumstances I missed the rally & march for Martin Luther King Jr. day. I was pretty annoyed so my beloved took me out for a late lunch at the Portland Chophouse. They have a really great happy hour menu and we shared some tasty treats. Their Caesar salad is da bomb and they make a nicely grilled burger. So the day was not a total loss. I just didn't get to honor King the way I envisioned. Since there are no pics of the rally instead here are a couple pics of our experience at the restaurant. Peace!

May we all have a peaceful rest of the day & honor King's legacy in whatever way we can! By the way is anyone else feeling that full moon? I am!

A Dream of a Dream. MLK Jr. Day

2008-01-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

There are always mixed emotions for me on the day the United States celebrates Dr. King's day. There are feelins I can't even always define but here is a little of what I feel today:

Grateful
Hopeful

Lonely

Proud

Very much alive

In a half hour I'll be at a rally and march at the Sisters of the Road Cafe. Look for another post later today with pics from the event. In the meantime, enjoy the most famous speech a human has ever gave. I still get teary every time I hear it.

Busy Fighting the Power

2008-01-20T11:18:00.000-08:00

Holy crap my life just seems to get more & more full each day. And just when I had a moment of giving up, hope comes, as it always does. But as we know with hope comes action and boy do I have a lot of action going on.

Last week I did an interview with a QWOC in Portland who is amazing. In the process of working on it I've been contacted by the Oregon Students of Color Coalition (OSCC) to do a workshop on how to counter oppression for their yearly conference. I'm thrilled and honored to be asked. Now there hard part is doing the work behind something I've never done before. I've been a part of holding workshops but have never done one on my own. But as I've learned on my own is never really that. Because I'm surrounded by amazing people who have done workshops & are willing to guide me in this process. Yay!

So for a bit the interview is on hold for a while but know QWOC readers that starting soon there will be regular interviews with amazing queer women of color, so we all can connect that much more.

On a side note I also this week finished knitting two scarves, started a new one and implemented a new feeding schedule for my cat. Woo hoo!

Oh and of fighting the power I think one of the most useful tools in doing such is humor. With that enjoy a classic Eddie Murphy skit on SNL. Peace!

Oh Joy! It's Linkin' Friday

2008-01-18T10:29:00.000-08:00

This week my sweetheart & I went with much anticipation to Dove Vivi a new pizza place on NE Glisan. And let me tell y'all this place did not disappoint. We had two different halves of pies. One was the Corn that had corn (obviously!), marinated & roasted onions, smoked mozzarella & chives. The other half was the Sausage that had... oh you know sausage (that was house made). It also had marinated green peppers, onions, mozzarella & tomato sauce. God lawd the pizza was awesome. A definite 10. And in my humble opinion the cornmeal crust was the best I've ever had. So go there because if you don't you'll really miss out!

Two events are coming up that I'd like to share. One is this Monday at the Sisters of the Road at 2pm. It's their annual rally & march in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. and in celebration of non-violence. Gather at 133 NW 6th Ave. Coffee will available. For more click here.

On January 30th at Terry Shrunk Plaza on SW 3rd and Madison there will be a rally to defend equality. It's sponsored by Basic Rights Oregon and I urge everyone who cares about equal rights for all citizens to come and stand up. For more on the event go here. To sign the online pledge that you will attend click on this link.

Last is an article that we could file under the duh factor, but it's good to read if you have any trouble understanding why POC don't always like medical trials, or trust the medical industry. I know for me the day I was rolled into surgery & one of the surgeons was talking about his pet pig, I felt scared to death about what they might do to me while I was under the laser knife. Anywho check it out.

Peace!
~F

I'm a Woman and of Color. Maybe I'll Just Vote for a White Dude

2008-01-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

*sigh*
*sigh* *sigh*
I'm already growing sick of presidential politics.

The presidential election seems to already be getting ugly and my guess is it will only get worse. Take for example a recent op-ed Gloria Steinem wrote for the New York Times. She starts out the piece trying to give us an image of a bi-racial lawyer & woman being qualified for Senate & then possibly the presidency. She goes on the ask:

Be honest: Do you think this is the biography of someone who could be elected to the United States Senate? After less than one term there, do you believe she could be a viable candidate to head the most powerful nation on earth?

Ms. Steinem goes on to write that the key reason others would not find this WOC qualified is because of her gender and most U.S. citizens attitudes toward gender. Don't believe the hype folks. The reason some would not find the woman qualified for much (other then polishing their floors), is because this person in Ms. Steinem's example is a woman and of color. Not because she's one or the other. My point in acknowledging this is that it feels Ms. Steinem is trying to pit race against gender in the "which minority has it worse" competition. And guess what Gloria? There are no winners. And let's be really real here. When someone is a double, triple and so on minority, they get the short end of whatever stick, based on the combination of their minority statuses. One minority status is not exclusive to the other within a person with more than one minority status. Therefore Ms. Steinem's example was not only erroneous but wrought with the perspective of privilege.

Perhaps the title of Gloria's article should have told me from the get go that her piece was going to highlight the plight of the white woman only when it said "Women Are Never Front-Runners ." Because the "women" she was talking about were obviously white women. If the piece was really about all women she would have noted that though Black men won the right to vote half a century before women, Black women had watch their men get to vote and see their white sisters back then have the free time to go & fight for voting rights while many Black women had to go to work and take care of their families. I'm not saying all white women then had it easy or didn't have to work, but as most of us know white feminism has it's roots in the middle class, rather than the working poor.

In a lovely post on Reappropiate Jennifer Fang says what I think a lot of WOC felt after reading Steinem's piece.

"...Steinem’s piece (intentionally or unintentionally) draws a line in the sand between people of colour and women, essentially disregarding the everyday racism faced by Black and Brown people, and claiming the Oppression Olympics gold medal for women. Further, by casting the debate as between Black men and White women (despite her imperfect creation of Achola Obama), Steinem renders the woman of colour invisible, reaffirms the binary Black-White paradigm of race, and demands we take a side in the epic battle between race and gender. Is it no wonder, then, that women of colour have long felt alienated by feminists like Steinem? Where do we fit when we’re being asked to choose between Obama and Clinton as a metaphor for race versus gender? And how are we supposed to react when an incorrect choice labels us as “less radical”?

And I don't think I'm alone in starting to feel like if I vote for Mrs. Clinton I'm against Obama, POC and therefore against my own color. Or if I vote for Mr. Obama I'm against Clinton, women in general and therefore sexist.

Another example for my annoyance are the regular emails I've been getting from family & friends telling me how racist Hilary Clinton is. Here is the particular quote that has upset many.

"Dr. King's dream began to be realized when President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act," Clinton said. "It took a president to get it done."

Okay so she doesn't acknowledge Rosa Parks, or Jesse Jackson or other influential activists but she did mention MLK Jr. first. And for the love of you-know-who folks, it did take President Johnson to sign off on civil rights legislation getting passed. It took the work of the activists without a single doubt. But it ultimately took one dude, the president at the time to sign off on our rights. Sadly we have a system that makes things that way. And please don't tell me what the president does & doesn't sign isn't very significant. I know all too well how policies can hurt or help citizens freedoms, for example, say, Don't Ask, Don't Tell anyone? How about DOMA? That was a president who made that happen in the end, wasn't it? Many homophobes influenced Bill Clinton, but ultimately he made a decision about the value of queer people and acted in ink, by signing our rights away. It indeed took a president to do that.

There are many who ask "is America ready for a white female or Black male president?" And I think that is the wrong question. Because for many of us this country has been long overdue for someone other than a white man to lead from the "white" house. The question here really needs to be "are we ready for a president who can't be bought, won't stand to be lied to, won't lie to citizens and will truly be guided by the tenants that make up our constitution?"

Just because we have a woman or man of color in office doesn't mean these folks will think any more progressively than a white man. It is utterly prejudiced to believe that the body someone inhabits is the main factor in guiding their thoughts. For some folks their race, gender, sexuality or physical ability makes them more understanding of their own oppression and the oppression other minorities face. By by no means is that the rule. So let's not just vote for Obama or Clinton because of the body their in. Let's vote for a candidate based on their ability and heart.

Peace!
~F

The Sturdy Station at the Bagdad Theater

2008-01-14T14:14:00.000-08:00

Okay so this we can file in the random photo category. But I just couldn't help taking a picture of this. I know it's silly & immature but crap this was funny! So next time you go to the Bagdad Pub and need to go potty, go into the bathroom on the right hand side to enjoy this little piece of just what keeps Portland weird.

I'm working on a rant/essay so stay tuned y'all!
Peace!
~F

It's Friday Y'all. Time for Some Yummy Links!

2008-01-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

By the powers invested in me I've decided Fridays are going to generally be link lovin' days from here on. That doesn't mean I won't ever bore y'all to death with stories about how in love I am or political rants and such, but I like great links & now there's a bit more structure for them. Anywho we'll see how long this trend lasts. :-)

So first things first. My pal Roy sent me a link to the Minnesota Public Radio website that has a Select-a-Candidate quiz. If you're trying to figure out what's what in terms of presidential candidates you wish would not eff up the country more, try this quiz. Essss gooooot! My results matched with Hilary Clinton the most & John Edwards coming second. Which is funny because right now I like them both the most. But I have for very sure not decided yet!

Next is an interview with Chisa Hutchinson who is a Playwright and beautiful QWOC. She wrote a play about attitudes towards homosexuality in the "urban" community called She Like Girls. Hutchinson was the only Black drama major at Vassar, raised in New Jersey and was given away by her mother at age four. Needless to say she's had a very interesting life with some amazing experiences! Check out more at the blog SistersTalk.

Moving right along... locally at the Q Center tonight is a film screening and reception for the film Ballot Measure 9. The film has won many accolades and details the the 1992 struggle in oregon for equality. For more on the film go to http://www.ballotmeasure9.com/. The event tonight starts at 7pm. Tomorrow night the Q Center also hosts an event called 30+ years in the making: Stories from the struggle for our rights. It begins at 7:30pm and the organizers say "Join us for a roundtable discussion, Q&A and in-person discussion featuring over twenty amazing leaders and activists through the years from Portland's LGBTQ community." Guests include Barbara Roberts, Terry Bean, Sam Adams and many more. Be a part of this night aand honor the activists who have fought for freedom. For more info visit this link.

And for those of you who are PDX homo's check out this little quiz to see how well you know Oregon LGBTQ2S history.

How well do you know your Portland LGBTQ history?

Who was the first Oregon legislator to introduce a gay rights bill?

Quiz by Quibblo

Have yerselves a very merry weekend!
~F

I'm Getting My Groove On!

2008-01-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

I met with my sponsor yesterday and I'm officially now working on the 6th & 7th steps. For those who are reading this say "WTH is she talking about?" Let me tell y'all first off I'm in recovery in two 12-Step programs and one deals with my past drinking while the other deals with being affected by other people's drinking. Since the programs are anonymous I'll leave the rest to your imaginations. So anyway the steps 6 & 7 are: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. It was suggested by my sponsor (which is like a spiritual coach if you will) that I read a book on that topic called Drop the Rock. So I can apply the Snoop Dogg principle here and "drop it like it's hot." Tee hee.

Along with my step work my sponsor who I'll call T asked me what I'd like to focus on for self improvement this month. After some thought I realized I've been missing dancing. For me dancing is key to my spiritual, physical & mental health. And due to a very busy holiday season & weird schedules I have not had a chance to shake it in a while. So tomorrow night I'm going to the Egyptian Lover show at the Tonic Lounge on Sandy. He's an amazing old skool DJ and his spinning always sets my butt a-shakin'. And since my sponsors intuition saw dancing with a group at a community center I did a search and found a class at a place called Dance Momentum in SE Portland that I think will be fun. Let's hope my ankle will hold up through all this movement. By the way if you don't know who Egyptian Lover is check out this video of "Keep it Hot."

More on Friday!
Peace!
~F

Just When I Thought I'd Need to Increase my Paxil

2008-01-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Despite feeling a wee bit better in the last few days my seemingly new case of regular migraines has not waned. Apparently I'm stressed out. And after a few moments this morning of pretty much hating all of humankind I found something funny. And though this joke is as cliche as cliche can get it still made me laugh out loud & give me the strength to find more things to keep me from needing to up my dosage of antidepressants.

So starting with the joke that made me laugh here are some things that made me smile today.

On Marriage

These adorable images from Cute Overload

This from Photobucket:These quotes: And this awesome video with a great message from your favorite band & mine Judas Priest!

Peace!
~F

I think I'm Gonna make a Tee Shirt Out of This

2008-01-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'd make so much money!
Peace!
~F

Can't Think of a Good Title Today!

2008-01-06T14:15:00.000-08:00

After finding out about domestic partnerships in Oregon being on hold I've been in a deep funk. Depression & heartbreak have been the status quo for the last week & try as I might, I have not been able to shake it off. When this level of devastation seeps into my heart it's hard for me to be social in any way. Being around people is akin to mild torture and I just can't connect to others by the way of emailing, talking on the phone or blogging. Even work has been hard to get through and I tend to feel good putting my nose to the proverbial grindstone. But since this little ol' blog was recently featured (go here if the previous link doesn't work then go to page 22) in Just Out, a local queer rag in Portland, I figured I need to make contact with y'all and keep going so those who are meant to read & feel this do. So here we go.

The candlelight vigil at the Q Center this week turned out to be wonderful. I was afraid it would be a somber and completely uninspired event & I'm happy to report I was quite wrong. It was very inspiring to not only be in a room with fellow queers who felt the pain this delay has caused, but there was a sense of unity not always felt in a group scene like this. Too boot the message of the night was that it's time to fight, to take a stand & to work for equality. Folks were fired up & there was focus passion that gave me a glimmer of hope that night. At one point my beloved & I got in front of the group & spoke up about how we feel about this delay and I felt so proud to be her lady & know that we are more that a great match but truly kindred spirits and together we'll fight for justice and the freedom to love.

Later that night we went to Wild Abandon and had an incredible salmon dinner then went home to watch PBS's LGBT television show In The Life. It was a great episode because all the stories got us talking. Kate Clinton (click on the link to see a pic of her & I together) interviewed Margaret Cho and they we're discussing all the scandals of 2007 involving right wing republicans and Christians who were caught being "gay." Mrs. Cho said the funniest statement & I think we can all agree when she said "... 2007 was the year of the sorry old queen." And my sweetie added "with no piano bar to go to." So true. Also on In The Life was a story about queer folks in the hip hop music industry. Since most of the folks who know me understand I love hip hop my ears were immediately perked when the story was introduced. Of the artists featured the rap group KIN took my breath away. These women were not only queer women of color but could spit and were fawking hotties too! If they ever come to Portland or even Seattle I'm going to be first in line to see them.

Okay that's it for now. I'll have some upcoming interviews soon so stay tuned. In the meantime...
Peace!
~F

Mezza Platter, Lesbian Porn and a Dude Saying the Word "Shart" on Network TV

2008-01-01T10:28:00.000-08:00

This New Years was pretty calm. I got my period early yesterday morning and since my endometriosis has been getting worse, the first couple days of bleeding are best spent sleeping. But I had to work & at least stay up until midnight.

During the day I got to see my most significant ex and his son and he got to meet my partner and it was really good to see him. Currently my ex lives in Spain so we rarely get to see each other in person so it was great to have him see my beloved in person and all of us talk about important political issues. It was nice!

After work my sweetheart and I went to dinner at a Lebanese restaurant, which we went to last year on NYE and shared a veggie mezza platter, veggie stuffed grape leaves and a cheese pizza. So fawking good! It was so romantic to be sitting in the very same place we sat last year, not quite sure then what was happening between us then but excited to be together. That night was the first time we verbally acknowledged our mutual attraction. Ahhh memories!

Prior to dinner on our lunch break (we work at the same place) we went to the friendly neighborhood adult toy store Spartacus on a whim. We didn't see many items we needed or wanted but we wound up floating over to the video section & I wondered if they possibly had on the off change a movie I've been wanting to see called How to Fuck in High Heels. You see it has been difficult to find quality porn made by & for actual lesbians. And when I say quality I mean hot but not gross or overdone with good camera angles, attractive women and great lighting & not too much damn plot.

Well Spartacus had the film. They also had the movie Crash Pad by Shine Louise Houston. Another film I've wanted to see & had been especially excited about it because Shine is a QWOC. So I had no choice but to open a video membership with Spartacus & was able to, with glee, bring home some porn.

How to Fuck in High Heels was in a way a disappointment. It doubled with a film called Hard Love and there wasn't much too that one. In fact what was hard to watch was the lesbian drama and having to listen to the bad acoustic lesbian music that accompanied the sex scenes. My partner & I would up fast forwarding through most of it. How to- however had some decent moments but they were more on the level of comedy due to the very dry star of the film Shar. She had us cracking up with her inexpressive commands at her sex partners and even her expressions of excitement was monotone at best. I personally felt like Shar could possibly be the funniest woman on earth & instantly fell in love with her porn persona.

Crash Pad on the other hand was the film many of us have been waiting for. It had everything I like in a porn with some surprises and a couple moments that left my mouth open with shock & my loins throbbing with titillation. I don't want to give away some of the great stuff but lets just say how very talented the actresses were. And there was a strong sense that these women really enjoyed each other and what they were doing. There was some rawness that damn near took my breath away but at the same time, style and artistic merit. It was great to see women actually cum for once in a porno and even better to see close-up just what got them there. I can't wait to see Shine's follow up Superfreak about the ghost of Rick James invading a party full of femme dykes. Woo hoo! Find out more on the Crash Pad series here.

The last little shock of the night was while watching the New Years special on NBC with Carson Daly (btw is it me or does he remind you a bit of Dick Clark?) when the Star of the television show Chuck, Zachary Levi said to Carson daly that he nearly shart when he saw New York Yankee player Alex Rodriguez in the crowd at Times Square. I turned to my partner and said with surprise "did he just say shart on network TV?" She shook her head yes & we both laughed. All in all it was a pretty good new years eve.

Have a groovy 2008 y'all!
Peace!
~F
P.S. Don't forget if you live in Portland, OR about the vigil tomorrow night at the Q Center. Tomorrow was the day many of us planned to gain spousal rights in Oregon and now that right is on hold due to prejudice & a funky legal system. The event is open to all members of the community and I welcome all allies to come too.
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
5:30 - 7:00 pm
Q Center
69 SE Taylor Ave at SE Water Ave, Portland
FREE http://www.pdxqcenter.org/

Happy Hews Years from QWOC!

2007-12-31T12:09:00.000-08:00

I think this e-card sums up well how I'm feeling about what I'd like to be doing tonight. My sweetie & I know we're going to dinner at the same place we went last year as a kind of new tradition. Then a movie & possibly going out for a bit. If I had my druthers though I'd read through the night after dinner and that would be that.

Speaking of reading I just finished Written in Bone by Simon Beckett and it was a very suspensful novel. If you like mysteries I really reccommend it! Now I get to start on one of the books given to me for x-mas. I got 3 in all including the one I'm starting today I Am Legend by Richard Mattheson.

In other news I was thinking of doing a recap of 2007 but decided against it because it would pretty much be different forms of this statement:
I'm in love & have finally found the woman of me dreams.

So there's no point in grossing anyone out even further.
There's not a whole lot more I have to say about '07. It was an amazing year & I'm excited for the blessings 2008 will bring. My goal (not resolution) for this year is to simply love. More & more & more.

Peace you all this evening and in '08! Enjoy this great video from a Dave Chappelle episode where Big Boi from Outkast does the best performance.

Grief & Strength. Accepting the Loss of what January 2nd Could have Been

2007-12-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

For in the end, freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged. -Alice Walker

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -Mother Teresa

Do exactly what you would do if you felt most secure. -Meister Eckhart

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. -Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm not doing so great today. Started the day okay, feeling still numb but less in shock. Then I got to work and had co-workers asking me what happened with domestic partnerships and what we were going to do next. And the reason so many co-workers even know is because due to where I work we have something called a holiday "blackout" time where if a staff member needs a day off before January 8th, the person has to either call out or find another staff member to switch shifts. So I had to make a plea to other staff members to switch that day (January 2nd) for one of my regular days off. I really didn't want most of the workplace to even know my business, but I had to find someone to switch shifts so my sweetheart & I could get up early, get legally partnered, and then celebrate.

So the feeling with co-workers asking me about it was one of embarrassment in a way. Like my personal life was on political display for folks I don't really need involved. And the other feeling is grief & loss. Just plain sadness. Trying to stride on in my normal work day I had to get to the bathroom to break down in tears. I'm sweaty and can't eat. The whole thing is really upsetting.

Always in my life I have overcome. Being a queer woman of color I have no choice or else I succumb to the evil of prejudice that wishes me dead. And I know that this ordeal will pass because things always do, but I just can't seem to shake the utter despair of being less than equal today. I'm just so sick of being a minority right now. I'm sick of folks who don't care & folks who don't have to care. I'm sick of one minority group hating another. I'm sick of folks within their own minority group not giving a shit. Many people care, I know this. My own mom reminded me that allies & good people are working hard for equality right this very moment. But when I go around the town today & see folks smiling & laughing & not even phased I just feel... a temporary hopelessness.

There is anger here too. I'm angry so many of my fellow queers choose to sit with their thumb up their arses then get in the streets & make it known to all we are equal. Yesterday I checked Portland's Indy media & other local web sources & there was nothing. No-thing. And yes there will be vigils but where's the passion. Where's the fire or hope even to demand we be treated, by the government who makes us pay the same taxes, equally.

And for the hate mongers who think that their god is better their everyone else's and can't understand what the point of having queers be equal is, I just want to ... I don't even know. Can it be explained that we are just people? Just regular ol' folks who just want the same protections that they already have. We don't wish to take away even one right from them. Don't they know we just want some peace and nothing special at all. Just the same ability to move through the world without having to watch our backs every 5 seconds.

To the allies who remain silent: please speak up! Speak the words we need to hear. That equality is important to you!
To my l/g/b/t/2s family: Don't be afraid to speak up & take action even if you immediate circle doesn't understand. You will connect with those who get it and your strength will shine so others can stand up too.
To our Queer leaders: Know we cannot just settle for less. That this is the time to fight. That doesn't mean violence or hateful actions but a new creativity that will get into the hearts of those who need to see, hear & feel what is the truth of our situations.
For myself: I'll not give up. I'll not sit & wait. I'll speak up even if my fellow queers don't like it. My place is in this world at this time & that cannot for naught. I won't be run over or run down by prejudice. I will rest when I need to & continue to take action for myself & others to be full citizens of not only Oregon or the United States, but also the world. Get ready people. You haven't seen nothing yet!
~F

Here's a little musical salve from the late Tupac. Peace!

The Bubble Hath Burst: Domestic Partnership on Hold in Oregon

2007-12-29T16:02:00.000-08:00

Photo courtesy of unprofound and edited by me

The news came to me later than it did for others in the blogosphere. I didn't find out until my beloved called me at Noon today to share what our lesbian boss told her. That January 2nd we will not be able to get a legal partnership in Oregon.

Truthfully I'm so shocked I can hardly even speak or think. I knew there was a possibility that there could be a delay but I figured the possibility had the odds of like, getting struck by lightening. Fuk.

What happened was a conservative "christian" group called The Alliance Defense Fund filed a suit against the State of Oregon & Bill Bradbury (our Secretary of State) claiming that some signatures on referendum petitions against domestic partnerships were tossed out unfairly and that the people whose signatures were considered invalid should have been properly notified. In order for there to be a delay to the domestic partnerships going legal on January 2nd the plaintiffs needed to prove that signing a petition is the same as signing a voting ballot and that the law passing would incur irreparable harm and also that the ADF in the end would likely win their case.

Yesterday Judge Michael Mosman presided over the case (also called a preliminary injunction). It was what the Portland Mercury called "a secret weapon" that convinced Mosman to issue a temporary restraining order (TRO) from DP laws going in effect on the 2nd. The weapon was a case in Idaho where it was ruled signing a petition was the same as voting. Therefore Mosman decided that signatures on a petition were fundamental right and by putting a hold on January 2nd's domestic partnership laws he was preventing irreparable harm.

In reaction to how this case has turned out so far there has been a lot of support by others within the Oregon and or Queer community around this disappointment.

Kendall Clawson, the executive director of the Q Center said "Unfortunately, our fight for domestic partnership may not be over, yet I truly believe that those that opposed this amendment have underestimated the strength of our community and the power of love and respect for others that drives us. As the sun comes up and we begin planning our next steps, I have decided that I will not give away another minute of sleep pondering the negative aspects of this situation. Conversely, I will work to acknowledge, appreciate and derive strength from all of the people that tirelessly work to bring us together as a community rather than tear us apart."

Crallspace wrote an open letter to the Alliance Defence Fund and asks "Why take the beacon that many look to for inspiration, hope and goodwill and shine its dark side? With all the problems that face our world today, homosexuals are your scapegoat; you have a heyday on folks that may have been the subject of the verse, "As you have done it to these the least of my brethren, you have done it unto Me." (Matt 25:40) As much as you think Christianity is persecuted and outlawed for obnoxious reasons, how do you think homosexuals feel about your work?"

Multnomah County Commissioner Jeff Cogen noted for us all that "Daily, we are reminded that the quest for equality continues and it is up to us to push forward principles of acceptance, fairness and justice. I hope this issue is resolved soon and we can get to the business of equality - for all."

Jack Bogdanski at Jack Bog's blog made a great point that "...once again, the electoral process in this country is showing itself to be badly, badly deficient. Not only can't we count votes securely and honestly -- we can't even agree on how to check the signatures on the petitions by which we decide what we'll be voting on. Nearly every election -- even every potential election -- turns out to be a lawsuit. It's a disgrace."

For more information on all this go here and here for information from Basic Rights Oregon.

There will be a vigil at the Q Center from 5:30pm to 7pm On January 2nd. The address is 69 SE Taylor Ave at SE Water Ave.

Though personally I'd like to see folks taking this to the streets I know many feel safer in a queer space among other queers & allies. I guess I just don't want it to seem like Oregon LGBTQ2S folks are rolling over and taking this. But I'll be at the vigil all the same, with my beloved.

Stay tuned to Just Out's Blog for updates on this heartbreaking situation.

I wish for all of us who planned on participating in legal domestic partnership on Wednesday a peaceful night & happy, hopeful, loving New Year!

Peace!

Wal Mart Sucked me In & I'm NOT Happy About it!!!

2007-12-28T13:12:00.000-08:00

What follows is an open letter to the creator

Dear Lord or whatever you are-

I did it. I know it was wrong but what was I supposed to do? We got a gift certificate after all and to waste it would have been bad. Only after we shopped at *sigh* I can hardly say it with throwing up a little... Wal Mart we realized we could have given the gift cards away. But alas we didn't. Wood Village was where it happened and I can't believe it was so damn easy to get to. Just a straight shot on Sandy Blvd.!

And would you believe we found a parking spot right by the door? And then we had to face how the heck we were going to spend the $100 in Wal Money. Well we did what we had discussed before we arrived at the mega store and got groceries. I took at my cell phone and pulled up the calculator function on it and we began to count every Wal Cent because we didn't want even one of our pennies going to that place. The whole thing made us feel dirty. Yet the trip was surprisingly delightful.

As always when my sweetheart & I are together we have fun even if we're doing the dishes so we made the best out of being at a location of one of the worlds most exploitative companies. We shopped though aisles that were not crowded and purchased item that were far more inexpensive than at our local grocers. We loaded our cart to the brim for $100 with items like garbage bags, salad dressing, garden burgers and of course organic canola oil. The goal was to stock up on essentials so we wouldn't have to worry about certain items for a while. We did what we had to do and the horrid truth is... we enjoyed it. Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Even the staff was nice there & we saw all these signs telling us how much Wal ~~Evil~~ Mart has donated to charities. So we tried to let go of our guilt until we got out of the store. I know how bad they are. I've preached the gospel of yucky about them. And until yesterday I personally had never spent a penny in that place (and technically I didn't because it was a gift card damn it!). So please forgive me. I beg you. And I promise it will never happen again (unless we get another gift card & we may give in to temptation then too). Thank you for everything!

Your pal,
~F

P.S. Here's a pic of everything we got. And I know I know. But we just simply forgot to bring our own bags! Sorry!

My Heart is Happy

2007-12-26T10:24:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that I look slightly stoned in this pic, I'm happy. My love and I had a great holiday and I just feel so grateful to the powers that be for putting us together.

Today I'm also happy Christmas for '07 is over. Time to get started on other projects. Peace y'all!
~F

Christmas is for Jews & Lesbians!

2007-12-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

I'm working today and it seems were having a ton of lesbians & Jewish folks in the store today. I love it! Tonight my sweetums is making chicken, potatoes & green beans & I will make a chocolate chip cake. Yay!

Anyway I got some lovely gifts last night including a bunch of awesome Aveda products & good books. Got the latest Ray Lamontagne CD too! So for my lovely QWOC readers I have an xxx-mas present. Enjoy! And yes it is moi.

X

2007-12-24T16:51:00.001-08:00

Photo courtesy of Photobucket

Peace y'all!

PMS + Working Retail + Missing My Family + a Full Moon = My Annual Holiday Freakout!

2007-12-23T15:33:00.000-08:00

So after a minor back and fourth discussion over what my partner & I are eating on x-mas day we got into the shower. I'm washing my hair, she's soaping her back. Then somehow I got soap in my right eye. The eye's feeling all sting-y and my partner suggests I let the shower water run upon it. I do but the eye still stings. So after a minute she said "rub your eyes under the water" so I did and it helped. But a funny thing happened soon after.

My eye naturally was watering itself to get the soap out. As this was happening my beloved got out of the shower & I stayed in there rinsing off my soapy boobs when the post soap state of my eye triggered a massive crying jag. Next thing I know I'm totally sad and can't hardly speak. My love is asking what's wrong & I was utterly choked up. All I could do was feel the longing for being with my biological family this year, especially my grandma.

The sobbing only lasted a couple minutes & after I got out of the shower I was feeling emotionally raw but okay. Then I realized I seem to have one of these holiday crying episodes every year. And well, it's just a part of the season for me. So now that that's out of the way I can focus on the best part of x-mas: free shit! I can't wait to open presents!

My mom was so super cool. She gave my sweetie & I a bunch-o-cash towards our wedding. When I called & thanked her she got all sweet & traditional saying "that's what the brides family is supposed to do." Also so far I got some yummy Aveda Blue Oil, for those days (like today) when I need a little tension relief.

Speaking of wedding stuff there will be a big ol' celebration in Portland at the Gerding Theater on January 2nd. Not for us per se, but all wishing to celebrate the new domestic partnership law. If you plan on getting domesticated in Oregon this year, take this survey. Why? Why the eff not!

We plan on doing the legal registering thing the 2nd or third of January. We have decided when this takes place we will be married and a ceremony & party will follow later in the year. More details as all this gets closer. Anyway hope ya'll are staying joy filled and true to yerselves.

Peace!
~F

Amy Winehouse. Old Timey Negro Stereotype or Just a Typical White Hollywood Bad Girl?

2007-12-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

I read a post on Stereohyped the other day titled Amy Winehouse: When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong. Oh-mah-gosh I love the title of that & the post is good too. It's in response to a Salon.com article about how Salon James Hannaham author thinks Amy Winehouse's behavior is akin to stereotypical Black behavior. Huh? But reading the actual Salon article further I can't fully agree with Stereohyped on this one. Nor do I fully agree with every word in the Salon piece either.

Though I'm no fan of Amy Winehouse, I find it odd that because of her singing "style" and the words in her lyrics, she was called in the Salon article a "hip hop potty mouth." Jeez are rappers the only ones who swear?

And though I disagree some with Lauren in her post on Stereohyped about the gist of the Salon.com article I do agree with her that Mrs. Winehouse embodies more today's white Hollywood bad girl than the "soulful negro" stereotype.

What the Salon.com article was getting at (I think) is that Amy is trying to get famous and rich by being the white girl whose "Black" in her soul. She's feeding off the white liberal imagination that loves a magical negro or Black & oh-so-soulful muse, to inspire them to heights of human understanding they can't possibly posses due to a skin color & background that has limited the depth of their...well depth.

And we know some guilty feeling white liberals who love nothing more than someone whose actually white but can "represent" like the soulful negro, or any "urban" individual. We've seen this before with the likes of Eminem, Janis Joplin and even Bob Dylan. James Hannaham in his Salon piece I believe was trying to convey that by Winehouse playing into the white but has authentic feelings and experiences like a name-your-minority, she become successful and a hero to those who need her to be a great white hope and to those who would rather be in denial about their own addictions.

Take for instance Mark Morford who wrote an article several moons ago about how wonderful Mrs. Winehouse is for just saying NO to rehab. Because apparently it is better for her to waste away soulfully than lose her street cred and clean up her act. Dear god what would she sing about then and how would she fulfill his idea of "keeping it real." It was in fact that particular post by Morford that has kept me from reading his ramblings any further.

My hope for Amy is that she cleans up her act in whatever way works best for her (this doesn't necessarily mean rehab, I never went). Then she needs to explore her heart, looking for the ways she's used certain ideas about certain races to benefit her career. Next I'd have her work with a voice coach to explore her talent and let her really keep it real, not because of her problems and imagined "street cred" but because of her strengths and willingness to be herself.

My hope for us all is the same as my hope for Mrs. Winehouse: To love, be loved and in the words of Joss Stone, have a right to be wrong.

Peace!
~F

2 Great Podcasts

2007-12-17T16:32:00.000-08:00

Recently I've found 2 awesome podcasts I'd like to link y'all to. The first one is called The Positive Hip Hop Podcast. There have been about 8 episodes so far and each one has been pretty good. Topics include social & political change via hip hop, spirituality & racism. In less than an hour each episode offers some of the best hip hop from true artists, fresh perspectives and music you may not have ever heard before. If you're a big fan of truly good hip hop & all encompasses, for the love of god, check out this great podcast.

Also another terrific podcast is local Just Out journalist Julie Sabatier with her podcast on revolutionary Do-It-yerself projects called Destination DIY. I learned in the last episode about at home funerals. Who knew you could bring a loved one home after death to cleanse them & even bury them in your homemade casket! Episode 21 was about kids creating their own structure for their education. Who knew one could even do that? Anyway the show is well done & provocative in modern quirky way. Hey you, yes you, go check it out.

Peace ya'll!
~F

A Year!

2007-12-16T14:35:00.000-08:00

Today marks one year since my beloved & I hung out together for the first time. We didn't know then that a mere 5 months later we'd be engaged. We didn't know we'd fall so in love that we knew we wanted to not only spend the rest of our lives together on this earth, but in the great beyond as well.

I was just coming off the heels of one relationship & very much not looking to start anything with anyone. Though I was saddened by the break up & remained hopeful & grateful for the opportunity to learn yet more about myself in that coupling. In fact the person I had been seeing was not so sure about breaking up & I felt confused too as these things are hard. But I knew in my heart it was over.

What was most wild was that while I was with this former lover, the last couple months of our relationship, my coworker and pal was beginning to distract me terribly, but not in any kind of sexual or romantic way. We just had such a great time talking with each other every Sunday at work that at times I had to stay late to correct mistakes I had made from our intriguing conversations. I began to wonder why, week after week I was having such a hard time staying on task at work when she was around. And being the good addict I can be, I decided to ignore it, in effect a state of denial, because after I had a girlfriend and I don't cheat (anymore).

My sweetheart and I went to Crush and got approached by some dude that was the brother of the DJ. Finally we made our way to Holocene a smoke free club in town for a night called Double Down, a lesbian themed event. Despite the fact that my sweetie & I can't stand typical lesbian bars and dance nights we decided to take a chance on it. We didn't dance much because the DJ wasn't very good. But I had requested "It Takes Two" by Rob Base & we did get down for a few moments. Later another song came on that she really likes & so she danced on her own as I tried not to stare at her.

There was no helping watching her on the dance floor. The way her body moved reminded my of many things and I found myself utterly enchanted. It was the first time I really looked at her as a sexual being. It was the first time I realized I could very much make love to this woman. And I found myself overwhelmed & temporarily at a loss for words or thought.

More than that moment of attraction was the ease in which are relating took place. Though we both were nervous we found a way to talk to one another and share things we hadn't shared with others before. We were more than getting along. We were connecting.

And the rest is history as they say. Soon to follow were slow kisses, hungry sex, talking for hours on the phone, meeting her mom, getting engaged, moving in together and so much real, spirit filled love. So much laughter and so much fun we have! I can't thank the powers that be enough for bringing this amazing creature into my life. How very good it is to at long last have, as Mary J. Blige says real love. Here now are some words we exchanged today. And a couple of goofy pics. Peace!

Frances,
Happy 16th! This is the day that we first hung out together and look where it lead us. I am happy that we are taking this path together and I look forward to our future as a couple! You are my other half and I am so glad that I found you. I love you Frances! Your Wolfie

My best friend & best lover-
I'm amazed by our connection. The last year means more than I can say. So glad we took a chance on each other a year ago. To our future together and the grace of the universe to guide us along the way.
Your Little Bear

Exploring my Own Transphobia

2007-12-14T10:20:00.000-08:00

After reading about a prisoner in the Oregon prison system that recently castrated herself by using her fingernails to severe her own testicles, and the awful comments I've seen related to the story I felt it important to explore my own transphobia in a post. So here we go....

The truth is that in my past I've been transphobic. I don't admit this joyfully. Dislike comes naturally within myself when I have any prejudice towards any one person or group. It's a yucky thing made worse by the very prejudice I've experienced by others. So I'm not proud of my past transphobia. But I also want to say that whenever a prejudice is realized, I look at it & explore it. Trying to find a way to love myself & accept my human fallibility, while improving my serenity & being of service to other folks.

In the mid 90's it seemed like I was meeting more and more female to male transitioning people. Though I had known many men who dressed in drag in the late 80's and then men who transitioned to women in the early 90's, FTM's we're new to my consciousness and blew up on my "I don't know about this" radar. When I say I was transphobic, I was actually particularly troubled by women transitioning to men.

The root of this dislike towards FTM's specifically was a false (however real it seemed at the time) sense of betrayal. That these folks no longer wanted to be women meant they wanted male privilege and were therefore anti-woman. That they wanted to join the oppressor instead of fighting with the oppressed. A male knowing deep inside she was female made sense. I rationalized that after all women are amazing and really who wouldn't want to have that connection to life. So one group of transitioning people I honored while the other group I vilified quietly in my head. Never did I make public statements about my prejudice as I knew better than to expose my anger toward anyone.

My anger came from sadness and ego. My sadness at misogyny and the confinement of women's freedom's over the years was understandable, but I had blamed the wrong target. FTM's were not responsible for sexism against women. Sure some FTM's have been sexist. But so have other folks who claimed to love and identify as women. I can't tell you how many sad scenes of violence erupted at a local lesbian bar back in the day, between supposed lovers. Even I have had some less than respectful behavior toward those of my own gender. Anyone can give crap to a woman. That indeed is genderless.

My ego though wanted to have an answer to that which I didn't yet grasp about trans folks. My ego decided that FTM's thought they were better than what womanhood represented. That they were better than me. I justified my ego by thinking that if brown people took pills & had surgery to become white they'd be obviously prejudiced so why should trans person's be any different?

Also is the fact that I'm most attracted to biological women who display what I consider to be masculine qualities. This added to my thinking that these men were wasting their gifts of natural sexiness to become men. Maybe I just wanted everyone I thought was hot to myself.

The journey away from rationalizations and justification came about 6 years ago when I had a coworker who was a transitioning male. He was of course at first subjected to my ridiculous ideas until I got to know him. It was as if a physical barrier to knowing someones heart started to lift. Now don't get me wrong here. I don't think knowing, befriending or even dating someone from a different minority group makes one automatically not prejudiced against that group. But being willing to get to know someone beyond our own silly ideas of them can be a start.

As this coworker became a friend I encountered more trans men and of course found each individual to be just that. Individual. As my mom would say- duh! My friend let me ask questions and like anyone else, did not speak for trans folks as a whole. Just his life and who he is and what we had in common, which was a lot. In fact he became less and less my "trans friend" and just a friend. He, to this day, I believe is one of those angels who walks the earth in human flesh. But that's besides the point.

I had to come to realize that transitioning is different for each person. That the trans experience is as vast in range as the queer experience. That each of us regardless of how our bodies look when were born are on a journey toward ourselves and each other. I had to learn that I needed to change my thinking. And thank goodness it did change. There have been some good people in my life, that have some different and similar experiences that we do & don't share.

I can't explain what motivates each transitioning/transitioned person. Some folks I've known simply felt deep inside they were inside a body that was the wrong gender. One friend took testosterone to simply enhance their already masculine identity but had no plans to ever get any type of surgery. Someone else I knew somehow thought his way into facial and body hair and even a receding hairline. He had not one hormone or alteration to his body by modern science. Yet his desire to be his true self alone made him more himself. A few friends have had chest surgery and not much else. Only one person I know has taken T (testosterone) and had upper and lower surgery. So the variety here is as great as the lovely shades of skin among the peoples of the world.

Today I'm grateful for the opportunity to transcend my own prejudice and have not just more tolerance but love for all of HP's people. Amen to that!
For more on trans issues read this great post by Holly about what being trans means to her.
Peace!
~F

I'm Three Three!

2007-12-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

Well it's my brifday today. And I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Celebrated my birth this morning with a small cup of coffee & a vegan donut.

Interesting thoughts went through my head as I got ready for the day this morning. Flashbacks or memories or more accurately thoughts about flashbacks & memories. I thought about what my birthday was like last year. The celebrating up until the actual day was pretty good. Then that day I got told something really uncool about a certain area of my body. I've let go of that resentment for the most part. But it's still kind of a shitty memory.

Also in my mind this morning was my dad. Yes I'm one of those folks who has "daddy issues" however I've worked on those that generally I'm not haunted by them anymore. For the reason I suppose of reflection that anniversaries and birthdays bring, I thought of my dad. How he has missed out on many a birthday of mine. How are birthdays are days apart & that it would have been interesting, had he not had an anger & cocaine problem, to celebrate our days together. But that was not meant to be. And to be honest I'm grateful for a life without him. The idea of a good dad in my life is nice, but my real dad would not have been so nice.

And what a better gift than to know, with the examples from above that, sometimes what may seem bad is the best thing for you. If I had not had that awful comment spoken to me, I may not have gotten together with my partner and soulmate as soon as we did. If it had not been for my father's whack ass-ness I may not have become the strong woman I am. I would not have worked so hard to love myself & others and have compassion combined with good boundaries. So this birthday I'm grateful for gifts in disguise.

In the tradition of last year here is my solar return chart. Peace y'all!

Nutty!

2007-12-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

Oh my!

Get your Nutty Buddy here.
Peace!
~F

QWOC Comment Policy

2007-12-09T18:36:00.000-08:00

Howdy ya'll!

I'd just like to take a moment to share the QWOC policy on comments. Okay so here goes...

I moderate comments. Pretty loosely I think, but I still do. If you have further questions or are a new commenter feel free to contact me at franjkm at gmail dot com.
Comment length should be no longer than roughly a page of a college term paper. And if the comment is around that kind of length please put in paragraph breaks so readers eyes don't get too strained.
Use of language is reasonably loose. You may swear, tell a naughty story that relates to the post or whatever. Just no swearing at the moderator (me) or other commenter's. Respect is important, but that doesn't mean we have to agree on ideas. I like meaningful dialogue and anything that degrades anyone will not be allowed.
Links related to the post topic are welcomed!
You are free to share the comments posted here. Just please note this blog for where the comment came from.
No spam!
Please if you have one, leave a link to your blog!

Okay that's it. Thanks for reading!

Thanks to Optiniche for comment policy ideas!

Soft Sheets, Jeans that Fit and a Bracelet that Makes me Seem a Little More Butch. Birthday Gifts Thus Far.

2007-12-09T11:55:00.000-08:00

My birthday isn't for 2 more days but I celebrated early due to having to work, like most folks, on the actual day. So I budgeted some presents for myself that I felt we're not only desired but in a way needed.

I knew I needed some new Levi jeans because I've gained a little weight since falling in love and have gone up a size (or two) in the last year. Levi's are the only jeans I wear and to boot I always wait to get them on sale. Luckily for me I found 2 pair not only on sale, but got a free $10 gift card that I can use toward whatever, with the purchase of the pants. The new jeans look great, feel comfortable and as Levi's are known for, make my butt look yummy!

For months I've been craving a new bracelet. I wished for something a bit more chunky yet versatile. I figured that a wrist decoration would be a perfect present to my self for my birthday. Usually I go to Portland's Saturday Market for fun hand crafted stuff. But before I could make the trip I found my bracelet at one of my favorite local stores Za Zen. That place is my new favorite boutique for many reasons. It's first off got stylish, comfortable clothing that is low maintenance and best yet...affordable. Plus the selections of clothing and accessories are unique and fun. So I stooped in Thursday to see what was new there and found a really fun leather bracelet made from an old belt. Since I love recycling and it's chunky and smells good I tried it on. All I can say way from the moment I put it on my wrist it felt like it was meant for me. When I took it off my skin felt as if it were missing something.

And too boot a co-worker yesterday though it looked kinda butch. How fun!

A number of years ago I discovered the joy of high thread count bed sheets. I stayed over at a friends after a surgery and on the guest bed was a set of butter colored, buttery feeling sheets. I asked her about them & she explained they were 600 thread count sheets. She claimed they were old and needed new ones. I thought if sheets could feel that amazing yet needed to be replaced, I had to get some for myself. Soon I had some lovely 300 thread count sheets and was excited for the day I could get even softer ones. Discussing high thread count sheets with another friend about 3-4 years ago I learned that Pima & Egyptian cotton sheets were the best to go with, and in particular the ones made in Italy too.

I had sold my small full size bed when I had a woman's size girlfriend and needed a bigger bed, so I had to get new sheets & could only afford 250 threaders at the time. So for the last few years I've really wanted higher thread count sheets but didn't splurge. So at long last on Friday I got some Egyptian 400 thread count sheets. They feel so good on my skin. My beloved has never had high thread count sheets & feels totally spoiled. And we are though I must admit if I can ever get my hands on 800+ thread count sheets I'll go for it. For now though finding this lovely set for a mere $30 bucks at Ross is cool with me.

Today I received the 2nd of B-Day gifts from others that I really wanted/needed. My sweetie got me a lovely set of cast iron skillets. Something happened to my lovely one a couple years ago when my not-so-smart ex. soaked the pan overnight in water. Needless to say the skillet I so lovingly seasoned myself was no longer of use. So I'm excited to make some iron rich foods for the holidays with those pans.

Also my wonderful pal Zee got me something I really needed. She & my sweetheart went out to dinner Friday night and at the restaurant I opened my brand new Designer Envelope system created by Dave Ramsey. Now it will be a whole lot easier to stick to my budget & track my expenses. This gift was truly one I will utilize & treasure!

Thus far I'm enjoying December. Many gifts I have received and how absolutely grateful I am for them & the wonderful riches I'm blessed with. So with that here's a gift for my readers. Well it's not really a gift but something that's fun that I wish to share. The Real does a bunch of hip-hop comedy sketches & I like this one. It's called Failed Hip-Hop Ideas. And the only child one is hysterical. Enjoy!
~F

Failed Hip-Hop Ideas from jeff on Vimeo.

Brief Break/Hot Sex

2007-12-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

I took a brief blogging break for several reasons.

I had a nasty sinus infection that made me too tired to think.
I was on my period & could give a rip.

But I'm back now & should blog every other day or so as usual.

So since I couldn't finish NaBloPoMo I figured my readers deserved a treat. Here it is y'all. A sexy sex tale. And a real one at that!

So my beloved & I had recently gone like, a whole freakin' month without really getting it on. We made out of course & had a couple attempts at coitus that didn't work out due to what was going on with my crotch. We had a few mutual masturbation sessions but no real doin' it.

The reason was that I had something called Bacterial Vaginosis. It's not an STD but one can get it like one sometimes. Which WAS NOT the case with me. I just simply had too much or too few of the right/wrong bacteria and had an unpleasant infection. I knew something with my cooter was not quite right so I made an appointment with my doctor. Which had to later be cancelled. It was rescheduled and then had to for some reason I can't remember reschedule again!

Finally I had my appointment and got diagnosed & was prescribed antibiotics that of course wiped out all the good flora or whatever I needed for a happy vagina & gave me a severe yeast infection. And as the horrible infection faded I then got my period. Then I got sick. Needless to say my sweetheart & I were due for some serious body slappin'!

So last night at long last we had some time alone. My sinuses were under control & nothing funky was in my crotch whatsoever. The funny thing was despite all of our affection & sweetness during my month of hot crotch I felt terribly shy yesterday. And she did too because we had that whole looking at each other smiling, then looking away thing that happened when we first got together.

After flirting and talking with desire behind our eyes she asked me if I'd like to make out. I of course said yes because my mama didn't raise no fool. Candles were lit, lights turned down and dogs were put to bed. I sat on our cream colored couch waiting for her to sit by my side. When she did I felt tingles run through my arms & chest and had the excitement of a first make out session in my quickly beating heart. Our kisses were tender & slow. I made sure to breathe in her air & focus my attention to the feel of her lips upon mine. My whole body felt like a live wire of sensation because when she put her hands upon my back to hold me closer, I felt the energy of those hands into my calves and feet.

After a nice long session of kissing mouths, necks, arms & hands we got frisky and started nibbling at each other and groping with closed eyes for each others breasts.

I realized after a while that I needed to pee and so I smiled into her brightness and went to the bathroom. It was nice at long last to know that I was a-okay for whatever our night may bring us sexually. And I was damn wet too!

We eventually moved to our bedroom and with our open eyes close to each others and our hearts even closer, we finally made love. It was passionate, playful, intimate, yummy, long lasting and soulful.

At one point we held onto each other chest to chest so tight and for so long that I felt emotional. And when she was at last inside me I wanted her to stay there forever. Best was coming together while we told each other we loved one another. It was a lovely night. One of our best yet. And definitely worth the wait!

Peace y'all!

Getting Ready for December

2007-11-26T22:31:00.000-08:00

As I've noted before I'm totally in the Spirit of the Season this year. I'm excited for many things. My birthday being one of them. This year I turn 33. Perhaps it's the Catholic in me but because I'll be the same age Jesus was when he died, a part of me feels like this will be a really powerful year in my life. So this birthday I continuing a ritual I do every year. And that it to nurture myself with a lovely & kind of expensive gift. We get a bonus check every year for the holidays at work & since I've been getting caught up (at long last!) with my finances, I can put these dollars aside as I always have.

In prior years my m.o. is usually an activity of some type that I do alone & completely for my self. In years past I've had a facial, gone to Seattle overnight for a concert, had an expensive dinner, went to a basketball game and other fun things. This year I'm celebrating another year of life by having a goddess day and taking part in something called "The Ritual." It involves 2 1/2 hours of massage, mud bathing, cocoon wrapping & an herbal steam bath. It's a treat that I deserve & am really looking forward to. It's hard sometimes for me to be a little selfish and spend that much money, but all people deserve some pampering.

It was quite an Internet journey to find the right place for this spa experience. Some places were near my home but had terrible reviews. Others were overpriced or didn't offer what I was really looking for. I knew more than anything I want my entire body to be surrounded in warm, goopy comfort. I want to relax & renew & I finally found the place that seemed a match after calling three locations. I hope it's a nice time & will report back on my goddess day.

Speaking of Goddesses I found some quizzes on this subject & I thought I'd share. I know these are not comprehensive quizzes and besides Goddesses are hard to put into little neat packages but it was fun to discover some tidbits.

The Goddesses I am most like are Persephone, Artemis & Oshun. Try the Which Goddess are you Ruled by quiz as well as the What Goddess Are You quiz.

If any of you take the quizzes let me know what goddesses you are! Peace!
~F

My Best Friend

2007-11-25T19:10:00.000-08:00

Before I get into my topic du jour I wanted to give props to a couple blogs I recently discovered. One is a pick from the Blogs of Note category on Blogger called Attitude of Gratitude. It's a great blog with beautiful pictures, lovely quotes and a list of things the author is grateful for. Even if a person is not in recovery I think there is much to appreciate on it. The next blog is a very sweet one called Queer Love. It's kinda like a Post Secret for queers. It's basically letters to & from fellow homo's & it's refreshing. And now onto my topic!

I have some truly remarkable people in my life. Folks I can call best friends. I have one in Minnesota who I've been friends with since I was 12 years old. Every time we visit it's as if we've never been apart. She resides in my psychic space and can trust that she will always be in my life. I have another wonderful best friend who has been in my life just over 2 years. We've journeyed through new sobriety together and have talked about everything from sex to money to manicures. She is someone whom I can tell the truth and she knows my heart. Another dear dear friend is a saucy curmudgeon who I can gossip with and go dancing with. We celebrate important things together & he keeps me from getting too whimsical in my general philosophies. I know he doesn't understand every motive of mine, but he's loved me through my most yucky mistakes. That's a true friend.

And now I have another person I can call a best friend. She is patient, loyal, sweet, feisty and has the kindest soul I've ever met. She's one of those people we consider angels who walk among us. She's my partner, lover & wife to be. Not only do I love her as my significant other but I love her most for her friendship. She accepts me as I am yet encourages my potential. We can have fun anywhere we go. We talk about every goofy & meaningful subject there is. We dance around each other with glee & share so many common interests. It's not always easy to find a good friend. And a best friend is a rare treasure. When you can share the depths of your heart and know the other will hold it safe, and that you hold them sacred in your own heart too, that's a damn miracle. I have that with my beloved. I have that with all my best friends.

So today I celebrate best friends. People who tell the truth, share struggles & triumphs, people who love us unconditionally but with good boundaries. Our friends who are dedicated to us by a bond stronger than blood. I'm grateful for these gifts!

~F

NaBlaPoMo No Mo'

2007-11-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

I couldn't do it. Yesterday it was just too hard to get to a computer. See I don't actually own one. Usually I use the "pooter" on my lunch breaks or after work. Yesterday was just too busy with holiday cooking, eating & relaxing with peeps. So no prize for me this year. I'm okay with that as I was getting sick of coming up with stuff everyday.

Today has been good. It's not so raging busy at work, or maybe it is but I'm in a good mood & don't mind. In fact I'd say I'm *gasp* in the holiday spirit. I'm ready to decorate the house & trim ~~my pubes~~ a tree. I think this will be a good Christmas holiday. Yay!
Peace be with y'all!
~F

Turkey Day

2007-11-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

Food is good! happy Thanksgiving versus thanks-taking!

Peace be with y'all!
~F

Pre T-Day Thoughts

2007-11-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

I have to do a lot of cooking tomorrow.
Hopefully I won't be too exhausted for Friday's retail blitz.
Yeast infection better thanks to garlic in my cooch & a pill.
Blah.

~F

I Pity the Fool Who Doesn't like My New QWOC Seal

2007-11-20T13:36:00.000-08:00

Ahh the good folks at Says.it.com have many fun things to make virtually. One can make a record label, a ticket stub and many other wacky things. I made this new seal & I hope y'all like it as it's going to be on this site for a while. Enjoy!

Also I wanted to add this video. So damn funny & cute! Peace!

Links I Like

2007-11-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

Oh lordy I have the yeast infection from hell! I just want to curl up in a ball & make it go away. I was recently on antibiotics & that's what has caused this ruckus in my crotch. Jeez. So to take my mind off the burning, searing, throbbing pain, I'll now share some new favorite links that I'll get to putting on the sidebar eventually if they're not already there.

Stereohyped has been a favorite of mine for a while. I love this blog because there is juicy celebrity gossip, justice issues often come up & the writing is witty in the right places.

Slate Magazine Online has some thought provoking articles. Some I agree with & some I don't. But the writing is well thought out & there are a myriad of topics to browse & read about. If you want to mix pop culture and politics, Slate is a good choice.

From the NaBloPoMo Randomizer I've discovered the cutest blog called Girlrobot. The blogger' name is Kim and she posts recipes, money saving tips, really fun links every Friday and other various whatnot. Her style is light & breezy & I learn something interesting every time I stop by.

If I haven't already mentioned it I think Michelle Singletary's Color of Money column at the Washington Post is outstanding. She tackles finances from a POC point of view while being accessible to all. Plus she looks deeply into what is & is not being said about people of color & their money stuff. I'm so glad I found this!

And last but not least there's this: Cute Overload. It really speaks for itself! If you like extra cute pics of cute little animals, check it out!

Well I've got to go get some ice or cranberry juice or something now. Peace!
~F

	Gretchen Kafoury
	Gail Shibley
	Vera Katz
	Ruth McFarland